


The Holiday

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), The Holiday (2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-17 23:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: Up-and-coming LA producer Ryan Bergara and NY Times food columnist Steven Lim are both unlucky in love and eager to get away from their hometowns for Christmas. When they do a house-swap for the holiday season they might find more than they had initially expected.HOO BOY everyone strap yo'selves in and get ready for the 2006 romcom mashup of your life.





	1. Chapter 1

Los Angeles, 7 Days before Christmas, Ryan Bergara's LA Home 

✧✧ 

To anyone from outside their gates, this Hollywood home was a dream come true. There were palm trees lining the streets in December, and gated mansions for anyone lucky enough to have made it thus far.

If they were to peer a little closer, however, things were far from perfect. 

It wasn't quite 9 am on Monday morning and some things had finally come to a head. 

Brent Bennet woke from sleeping on the couch, stiff and needing to go work. Even still, he needed to deal with whatever this little situation was before it got out of hand. Stretching, he picked up his watch and put it on, grimacing at the time. He could afford to be a little late, he supposed, as he padded upstairs in his t-shirt and boxers. 

"Ryan?" he called out, still rubbing sleep from his eyes as he began to climb the winding staircase up to their bedroom. The moment he opened the door, Ryan was ready, and he threw one of his shoes at him, "Jesus!" he said as he dodged it. "Look! May I just say again that I did not sleep with him?"

Ryan Bergara looked too pretty to be this furious in the morning, his white silk robe wrapped around him, flattering on his tan skin. "Right," Ryan was saying sarcastically, "Because your receptionist needed to have a meeting with you at three o'clock in the fucking morning." 

"A bunch of us were hanging out. You can't tell me you don't have guy friends, Ryan. How is this different than going to your little sports games with Zack?" 

Ryan's eyes narrowed into slits, but he didn't take the bait. "Okay, then swear on my life you didn't sleep with him."

That gave Brent pause. "Aw, c'mon," he tried for cute, tilting his head at his boyfriend, "That's ridiculous." 

"If you didn't do it, it should be easy to swear," Ryan said, smiling with false patience until Brent answered, "Y'know, I'm not gonna do that-" and Ryan threw another shoe at him. 

"Jesus Christ! This is why were smart to never get married, this is why I told you to never get rid of your house" Ryan was saying, picking up whatever articles of clothing of Brent's he could find, "Your fucking _receptionist_ , Brent? Really?" 

"Look, I didn't say I slept with him!" Brent was saying, coming up to him, "And you can't pin this all on me, we've had problems for well over a year-"

"Oh, believe me, I'm well fucking aware of that. But heaven forbid I work too much or something, but if you need to work overtime, maestro, well, that's because it's for your _art_ -" 

"If you work too much? _If?"_ Brent threw back at him, "You've edited _how many_ videos this year alone? You are glued to your iphone, you have a little fucking, private studio back there with a soundbox and your own fucking private pet projects and weird ghost shit and don't even bother asking me about the sex because I can't remember the last time we had it."

Ryan blushed angrily, "So what? Nobody has time for sex." The snide look on his boyfriend's face was telling, "Well, that's not _entirely_ true."

With that Ryan shoved the bundle of Brent's things against his chest and into his arms. " _I knew it._ It's time for you to go." "Ryan-" but Ryan was already down the stairs, Brent trailing behind him. "Just admit that you never really loved me and be done with it," he was saying, "Just admit that you liked the idea of me, but not actually me." 

"Now you're being ridiculous," Brent sighed, but Ryan just held the door open for him, giving him a pointed look.

"Are we really doing this?"

"I'll send you the rest of your stuff," he answered curtly, and Brent gave him a sneer, "You know you do this to yourself, right? You drove the relationship to this point, you fuck up: it's what you do." But Ryan had the privilege of slamming the door in his face. 

"You never really wanted to be a couple!" Brent's voice was carrying through the door, so Ryan raced away from it, up the stairs, even as it carried with him, "You resisted it the whole way!" 

"Shut up!" Ryan hissed under his breath, but he was drawn to the bedroom anyway, and from there, the balcony, where he could see Brent beneath him, and could see his boyfriend still talking to the front door. "You with your little conspiracies. You just hold onto them so you can say 'I told you so' when it finally happens!" 

"When what finally happens?" Ryan called down, hands on his hips, and Brent finally looked up at him. "When it ends." Ryan scoffed but Brent powered on, "Look, Ryan, you're being ridiculous. You know how I feel about you, there's nobody like you...you just don't know how to be what I need." 

"What?!" "Well, not what I _need_..." 

Ryan shook his head, "Look, I would never cheat on you, not under any circumstances, okay? No matter how bad things got," and he watched Brent sigh, "Neither would I, okay? Look, I'm down here, sweating like a pig in my t-shirt and boxer briefs, and you're up there, looking gorgeous and like, you have to be the only guy who thinks his partner is cheating on him and doesn't cry." 

That was a back-handed compliment if he ever heard one.

Ryan swallowed. "Why does it bother you so much that I can't cry in front of you?" Brent said nothing, not that he expected him to. He rubbed at his forehead, feeling the telltale signs of a migraine coming on. It was probably going to be a doozy. 

Ryan leaned over the balcony, giving it one more try. "Look. It's _over._ We're done. We might as well be honest with each other. Just answer me," he said, feeling he ready for whatever his (now ex) boyfriend was going to tell him. _"Did you sleep with him?_ "

Looking beyond done, Brent threw his arms in the air. "Okay!" He looked around, as though expecting to find the paparazzi nearby waiting for his answer before finally, finally saying, "Okay! I slept with him. Are you happy?" And Ryan's' jaw dropped. Oh no he did _not._

But Brent went on speaking, oblivious, even as Ryan shook his head, wide-eyed and disgusted, "I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but he's young and in love with me, and, look you haven't exactly been around.." 

Furious, he raced down the stairs and out to the porch where Brent was waiting for him, "Did you just ask me if I'm _happy?_ " he asked, and Brent, smug, know-it-all Brent just rolled his eyes at him. He could practically hear him thinking 'there Ryan goes again, being dramatic'. He hated being made out to be the unreasonable one, again and again, when all along Brent was the one cheating on him! 

Narrowing his eyes Ryan pulled his arm back and socked him in his big stupid jaw, "You've gotta be kidd-" Brent said, cradling his face before Ryan knocked him a new one so the tall bastard landed on his ass. "That dramatic enough for you?" he spat, "Asshole." 

And he marched back up those doors and locked Brent out for good. Fuck. Him. 

* * *

 

New York, 7 Days before Christmas-NY Times Holiday Party 

✦✦ 

There are many types of love. Love that burns brightly, love that fizzles out, and love that simply goes away, but the worst type of love has to be unrequited love. How many people died a year from unrequited love alone? Steven Lim wasn't sure of the exact numbers but he was afraid to look. 

If unrequited love was a sort of death, he figured it had to be a slow-working poison. After all, Steven had been in love with Adam Bianchi for the past three years to no luck whatsoever. 

"You aren't still in love with him are you?" Jen, one of the columnists asked delicately at their office Christmas party, but Steven had merely laughed it off. "What? No, no... of course not. That's way over." Judging by the sympathetic look on Jen's face she didn't believe him. "Just because we keep meeting eyes across a crowded room, and because he's...mysterious and handsome and super talented and funny in the most unexpected of ways doesn't mean I'm in _love_ with him." But Jen only looked more sympathetic, "Oh, Steven. What ever happened with him anyway?" Steven blushed, "Nothing, nothing happened because he's straight."

They'd met when they'd been paired up at the Times for his _Worth It_ Food Review sessions. Even if he thought Adam looked at him in a certain way sometimes, or even if the way he photographed him was especially flattering or if he actually _talked t_ o him when he was a notoriously quiet guy (coming from a man with actual social anxiety, Steven could relate) or that they had long lunches together and shared their food as much as they didn't, well, it didn't change anything. 

"Yeah," Jen agreed with him but she was still giving him that look, "You don't mess with the straights. And isn't he seeing that Rie girl?" Steven grimaced. "Yeah, on-and-off again."

 _"Well-_ " 

Just then, Ned, one of the editors bounced over to where they were talking, "Steven, did you submit that last article?"

"Oh, gosh, no, not yet," Steven said, and he quickly made his apologies and skipped up the stairs to his desk. This one was about wedding cakes, where to find the best ones at a cheap, medium and expensive price points. You didn't exactly have to be a genius to guess how cake-tasting with Adam had gone or the kind of things it did to his poor romantic brain. 

If he wasn't careful he was going to start hearing Adam's voice again. 

"Wow, how does it feel to be the only hard worker in the whole office?" Yeah, like that. 

'Wait,' Steven blinked. 'That was real.'  

He turned in his seat and saw Adam smiling at him, leaning against the doorway and looking way too suave in that tux for his own good. "Oh, gosh," Steven said, but he could feel his ears turning pink, "I wouldn't say it's because I'm the hardest worker. More like, the best procrastinator." 

Adam laughed softly, "Maybe because you're always juggling a million projects." Steven grinned up at him, "Yeah, that may have something to do with it." 

"Even still," Adam said with a simple shrug, "It's...Christmas, they shouldn't overwork you too much." 

"No, no," Steven said quickly, still a bit flushed, "I'm about to turn it in anyway, but...oh! You reminded me. I got you something." 

Adam blinked, "What?"  "Yeah, for Christmas, here," Steven rifled in his drawer before he lifted up a rectangular package wrapped in silver. 

"Oh, Steven," Adam said, looking a little embarrassed, "I don't have anything for you-" and Steven blushed harder, "no, that's okay." 

"Yet," Adam promised, taking the present, "I don't have anything for you, _yet._ " And then he was unwrapping it delicately, and there it was, a collection of photographs signed by one of Adam's heroes in the industry, "What?" he asked in a tiny voice as he saw it, "Oh my god." And he smiled that genuine, relaxed smile that made Steven's heart flip. "Steven, you're the best." 

They shared a look, "Adam, I-" just then, they could hear on speaker an announcement being made, "Can I have everyone's attention please? Can I have everyone's attention?" and the moment was gone. 

"Guess we should go see what's up," Adam said in that quiet voice of his and Steven tried his best to smile. "Yeah." 

As they went back downstairs, Steven lost Adam in the crowd, and tried his best not to be disappointed. He'd probably see him again later that night, right? 

Ned was back at the front again, and he had the mic, "So as we all know, the office isn't exactly closed yet, but we are running on a smaller staff than normal for the next week or so....but! Before you all decide to duck out and experience some of that holiday cheer we've all heard so much about we have an announcement to make...that reminds me, Steven, are you here?" 

Steven waved a bit shyly as the attention was drawn to himself, "Ah, there you are, Steven. I was just thinking of that article you had coming out this week about wedding cakes?" Steven nodded, an uncertain smile on his face, "As you all know, I'm _married,_ " there was a laugh amongst the crowd, "And I love weddings and love, and marriage....Well, it just so happens we know of two people in this very office who might be able to use that advice from Steve's column soon, so I hope you don't mind if I send them your way!" 

Steven laughed good naturedly as the crowd began to murmur with excitement, "And that lucky newly engaged couple is, our very own Rie McClenny and Adam Bianchi!" Time stopped as Steven watched the couple emerge from the crowd: Steven couldn't stop staring at Adam even as his vision began to swim, he felt like water was in his ears. 

Adam kissed Rie's cheek, and it was a very professional, acceptable kiss to have at an office party but Steven thought he was going to have a heart attack. It'd been a long time since he'd had a panic attack in public like this, but as he began to hyperventilate Steven knew he had to get out of there. The crowd was too large, and cheering and brushing against him from all sides. He couldn't breathe, Adam was looking right at him, and he had his arm around Rie and Steven couldn't breathe.

Just then Steven felt a hand in his, and he looked and saw Jen, "Steven, are you alright?" she was asking right in front of him, but she sounded far away. _"Steven?"_

Somehow he ended up outside the back entrance with Jen, and they sat on the fire-escape for an hour together until he had calmed down enough to go home. "Are you sure you want to go back alone?" Jen kept asking him, but Steven nodded. He had had enough people for one day, and he didn't want to cry in front of her. "You're going to be okay," Jen had told him when she helped him into his cab, "Steven, do you hear me? You're going to be fine. There's someone out there for you." And Steven had smiled at her, and squeezed her hand, "You're a good friend," he said, a bit tearful already. "Oh, _Steven."_

"I'm going to be fine," he reiterated, and she kissed his hand, sweet and protective to the end. "Call me if you need me, okay? Day or night, I'm serious, Steven. Okay?"

"Okay," was all he could manage to say and her sympathetic face didn't look any less worried but she let him go. "Okay. Goodnight, Steven." 

And he drove off, back to his lonely New York apartment. Alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hohoho okay I know I'm in the middle of a VERY different series right now too but I got this bug in my brain so lemme know if y'all are interested in this as well!
> 
> Cheers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Steven have decided it's time to make a change.

 LA, Ryan's Los Angeles Home, 7 Days till Christmas 

✧✧

Ryan did the thing any normal person would do when they entered their house after kicking their longterm boyfriend out on his ass. He got back to work.

TJ and Ashly were waiting in the other room already, pretending not to have heard exactly what they'd heard this morning anyway. "You good?" Ashly asked, and Ryan forced a smile, "Perfect. Let's do this." 

In his private studio, Ryan watched the video for the third time that morning. It was a trailer for an upcoming mystery series that held some heavy-hitting actors like Eugene Lee Yang and Quinta Brunson. The trailer still had to be good though if this show was going to get enough views to be renewed for another season. "

Better, better," he said, and he saw TJ smile.  "Maybe just change the last shot with the original?" 

Ashly nodded, leaning back in her chair and smiling up at Ryan. "That's why they pay you the big bucks," she quipped and he laughed, "Yeah, yeah, sure." 

He knew what he was going to say next wasn't going to make sense to them but he tried to pull it off anyway, "So, um. Seeing as we're good here, I just thought I'd let you both know that I'm going to be gone for a week or so." 

That caught their attention, "What?" TJ asked, looking confused. "You're taking a vacation?" 

"Well," Ryan tried, "You know, it's Christmas..." "Yeah, the busiest time of the year," Ashly finished for him, and Ryan could practically hear Brent sneer at that. He had to get out of this house. 

"I need to get out of town," Ryan blurted out. "I just...I need some rest and relaxation or whatever it is that people go looking for. I want to actually catch up and watch a television series, not just edit trailers. I want to live my life and not feel like I'm going to turn thirty and find myself alone and worked into an early grave alone while Brent gets to just live forever being cute and smug and sleeping with twenty-year-old receptionists!" 

TJ and Ashly shared a look, and Ryan ran a hand through his hair, "Do you see what I mean? I need a break!" 

✧✧

After they had left, Ryan found himself at his laptop, googling vacation spots. "Now where do I want to go to be alone for Christmas," he asked himself, a grim smile crossing his face. "Where do I want to go to be alone and depressed at Christmas?" 

Alone, totally alone. Ryan felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes. "God," he sniffed as a few traitorous hot tears rolled down his cheek. "No, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to cry about being alone, that's pathetic," he swore, scrubbing his face with his hand. "I just need to get away." 

But where? He could go anywhere in the world. 

As he scrolled down the pages and blog suggestions for vacay spots for the newly singled, something caught his eye. 

AirBnB swap. He sniffed. "Oh, that's an idea." 

That would mean his house would be taken care of while he was gone, for one thing. 

But where should he go? 

Just then Ryan remembered he still had to renew his passport. "Shit. Okay, somewhere still in the country, then," he said easily to himself. "Somewhere as far from LA as possible." 

His eyes fell on New York, and he immediately brightened. What better place to be on Christmas than New York? That was like, the Christmas-movie capital of the world. 

"Perfect." 

Ryan didn't know much about New York, but as he scrolled through the housing options he could tell that apartments and studios were about as good as he was going to get. 

Just then, he paused his scrolling to see a cozy looking loft. "Located in a quieter part of upper Manhattan, this loft is an ideal getaway for someone who wants both rest and relaxation and a good skyline. With a full kitchen, bed and bath and large screen TV and only twenty minutes from Times Square, you'll be set for Christmas to New Year's Eve." 

"Huh. That sounds pretty good to me," he said. It was quaint, but at this point Ryan's house felt much too big for one person. He'd take quaint at this point. At least this loft didn't didn't look sterile or cold. 

With a smile, Ryan typed up a message and clicked send. 

* * *

 

NY, Steven's Manhattan Apartment, 7 Days till Christmas 

✦✦

Steven had been crying and generally feeling sorry for himself since last night. He'd crashed hard, and had woken up with no will to go into work, not that he had to, thank God. It was almost 2 pm and Steven was just about out of tears when he heard a ping from his phone. He sat up in bed to reach it and saw it was a notification from the Air BnB app. He'd almost forgotten that he'd put his place up on a whim a few weeks ago, but someone had messaged him. 

 

 **Message from Boogaras:** Hi! I'm interested in doing a house swap with you ASAP if you're still looking. 

Sniffing, Steven sat up a bit taller and looked about his loft. He had clothes and trash that had piled up all around him in the wake of last night. He cringed. Didn't mean he couldn't clean up. Wiping away the last of his tears with the heel of his hand, Steven took a breath. Getting away couldn't be a bad thing, right? Jen would probably suggest it. 

Well, it couldn't hurt to message him back. 

 **Steveneats:** Where do you live? 

 **Boogaras:** I'm in Hollywood/LA 

Steven bit his lip. That sounded nice. 

 **Steveneats:** I've always wanted to go there. I'm Steven btw. Normal, nonsmoking, single. 

God, how pathetic was he? "I hate my horrible life," he sighed sadly. 

But Boogaras wasn't put off by him.

 **Boogaras:** I'm Ryan. Also nonsmoking, also fairly normal, also very single. I gotta say your place seems ideal. 

 **Steveneats:** Oh yeah? What does your place look like? 

Then the picture came through and Steven fell off the bed. "Holy shit!" he cried out. "Are you serious?!" 

The picture Boogaras sent him was probably the nicest looking mansion he'd ever seen. "Am I being catfished? Is this catfishing?" he asked his empty apartment. By Manhattan standards, Steven knew his loft was nice. His parents had initially helped him with it, but now he was making the kind of money to be able to upkeep it. 

Still, it wasn't _Los Angeles mansion_ nice. 

 **Steveneats:** Holy shit dude are you serious?

 **Boogaras:** LOL yes I am. I just need to get away for a while. The sooner the better. 

 **Steveneats:** I know the feeling. 

 **Boogaras:** I've just got one more question for you. 

 **Steveneats:** Shoot.

 **Boogaras:**...are there any gay men in the area?

 **Steveneats:** ...honestly? 0 after I leave.

There was a moment that Steven wondered if that would keep Ryan from coming. If he was looking for love this was the wrong place. But then his message pinged in. 

 **Boogaras:** When can I come? 

 **Steveneats:** Tomorrow too soon? 

There was a long pause and Steven wondered if he'd ruined things by coming off as too eager but then:

 **Boogaras:** Tomorrow's perfect! 

 **Steveneats:** Then we are on for 2 weeks? 

 **Boogaras:** We're on.

 

And that's how Steven Lim spent his Christmas bonus on a last minute ticket to LA, he could hardly sleep that night but before he knew it he was flying out on the redeye from Newark to LAX. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy with the response I've gotten so far! This is a short chapter but I wanted to update again and will probably update again soon! Cheers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first days in their swapped houses and the boys both meet someone new.

Los Angeles, Ryan's LA Home, 6 Days Till Christmas  
✦✦  
As Steven pulled up to Ryan's home he realized that no, he hadn't been catfished after all. Steven had been prepared for it, and at this point he was more than willing to take a lesser house if it meant he got away from the city for a while, but now that he was in front of Ryan's hollywood home his jaw truly dropped. "Oh my god," he said under his breath as he rolled the suitcase up to the gates. "Oh my god."

The passcode Ryan gave him worked and he found the key just where it was supposed to be. This was really happening.

As he pulled open the doors Steven found himself in an entryway that was probably the size of his whole loft, and it gleamed from the floor to the ceiling.  
"Holy....shit...." he whispered, completely in awe. "I have this whole house to myself?!" As his voice echoed off the walls, Steven knew what he had to do.

He toed his shoes off, paused, then ran, sliding across the polished floor, "WOOHOO!"

Steven stumbled as he hit the banister but that didn't even matter. He was so excited to explore this house, that he almost fell at least six or seven other times.

Maybe running in his sock feet wasn't the best idea, but it did help him get from room to room faster.

Ryan's house had a gym, a library, a personal movie theater, an office, some sort of sound studio, and a huge bedroom with a massive king-sized bed in the middle of it. Steven couldn't help himself, he had to jump on it. The bed was _made_ for jumping on.

By the time it was noon, Steven had swam in the gorgeous outdoor pool and cooked himself an omlette in the frankly gorgeous kitchen in Ryan's home. The kitchen alone was worth the price of admission, Steven thought. He hoped Ryan wasn't disappointed with his end of the deal.

Around one, Steven wound up back in Ryan's home theater and was trying to work the surround sound when a call buzzed through on a monitor on the wall.

"Woah, what the heck?" he asked himself, watching the screen light up. He clicked a button and abruptly saw a classic red convertible on the screen coming from what must've been the security cameras.

"Hello?" a man's voice came crackling through the speaker, and he pushed another button and the camera angle changed, displaying a shockingly good-looking blond man in the driver's seat.

"Hello?" the blond man was asking, and Steven's mind suddenly caught up with him and he pushed the mic button, "Hi!"

His voice came out loud and sudden out of the speaker, making the blond man wince and sit back in his seat, "Hey. Ryan, is that you?"

"Ah. No. This is Steven."

He saw the blond man frown from behind his sunglasses. "Uh. Okay. Is Brent there?"

"Brent?" Who was that?

The man looked like he was losing his patience, "Look, I'm here to get a few things, can you just, like, let me in?"

And against his better judgement, Steven fumbled until he found the button that opened the gates, racing down to meet the car as it rolled on up to the house.

It was warm out, but windy, as Steven was quick to notice as he stepped outside, folding his arms around him. His thin button up shirt had been good for earlier but the wind was bit much.

The blond man was even more handsome up close Steven realized as he approached. He was shorter than him but broader, and he had this wry look about him that made Steven want to impress him, even if this whole encounter was a bit awkward.

"Hi!" he said, nearly stumbling over himself to get to the other man, who smiled back at him, taking a slight step back, pushing his sunglasses up and onto the top of his head so that Steven could see his whole face. Oh boy.

"Hi."

"I'm so sorry, I'm new at the whole gate thing-" he rambled, but the blond stopped him, "It's okay, don't worry about it."

They both smiled at each other for a moment before the blond took the initiative, "Um. I'm Andrew, I work with Brent...?"

"Brent?" he questioned again and saw Andrew give him an odd look, "Ryan's ex...?"

"Oh! Right."

"Do you know when he'll be back? I need to pick up a few things..."

"Oh, uh," Steven gave him an apologetic smile, "He's in New York right now, we sort of, switched houses for the holidays..." just then the wind picked up and Steven felt a spec of dust or something go into his eye, "Oh, shi-" he swore, but then Andrew was getting closer to him, "You alright?" he asked in his deep voice, and Steven moved his head around, trying to blink it out, "Yeah, no, just...something just blew into my eye."

"Uh-oh," Andrew said, and he leaned in, "Yeah, looks like you got something in your eyelash. Do you want me to get it?"

When Steven looked up Andrew's large blue-green eyes were all he could see, and his heart was pounding a mile a minute. "Um. Well. Alright," and he leaned his face down until it was close enough for Andrew to get a good look, "Yeah," Andrew was saying as his hand came up, gently brushing just under Steven's eye with his finger, "Those Santa Anas."

"The what?"

"The Santa Ana winds. That's why it's so warm."

Steven's face certainly felt warm alright with Andrew's that close to him, his lightly calloused fingers brushing against Steven's cheek. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You know," he said as he finally got the speck, whatever it was, and brushed it aside, "They say anything can happen during a Santa Ana, that all bets are off." Steven's eyes went down to Andrew's lips as he said that, but then Andrew was pulling away.

"There we go. Alright now?"

Steven flushed, "Yeah. Thank you."

They looked at each other another long moment before Steven remembered, "Oh, what was it you needed again?"

"Oh. Brent's laptop."

"Oh. Right. Look," Steven hesitated, "Would you mind coming back tomorrow? Sorry, I just, feel like I should talk to Ryan first, double check..." but Andrew was shaking his head, putting his hands up in a placating manner. "Don't even worry about it. I totally understand." 

Steven smiled back gratefully. "What is it that you and Brent do?" 

"Oh. We're both chefs," Andrew said with a small smile, and that really got Steven's interest. "Oh wow! Really?" 

"Yeah, or at least, we were. Brent's opened a chain of restaurants, he's done really well for himself. I'm just one of the head chefs at his Hollywood location." 

"Woah. That's incredible. I love food. I mean, like, I'm not a great cook or anything, but I write about it." 

Andrew smirked, "Oh yeah? Like on a blog?"

Steven blushed, "I mean, yeah a bit, but actually in the Times," and he saw Andrew's face suddenly smooth over, "Oh, shit, no way. Like the LA Times?"

Steven shook his head, "The New York Times, actually," and he saw Andrew's eyebrows go up into his hairline. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off like an ass."

"Don't worry about it," Steven insisted, still faintly pink, "You'll just get a bad review, no big deal," he teased and watched as Andrew burst out laughing.

"You don't even know where I work.."

"...that's true," Steven laughed, but then he saw a woman coming up out of the car's passenger seat and approaching them, "Oh! This is my Ashly." Ashly gave him a bemused look and he watched as Andrew blushed to his ears, "I mean, not my Ashly," and he laughed a bit awkwardly, "but, Ashly. She works with Ryan." 

"Oh, hi."

"And this is....sorry," Andrew shook his head, "I don't think you said your name."

"Oh! I'm Steven. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," Ashly said warmly, and shook his hand. "Sorry, are you about ready to go?" she checked in, and Andrew nodded, "Right, yeah, of course." He smiled back at Steven as he began to step backwards, "It was nice to meet you, Steven." 

"Nice to meet you too!" Steven said back with a wave. "See you tomorrow." 

He watched until Andrew had driven back out of the gate before he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Don't mess with the straights," he reminded himself with Jen's immortal words, "Don't mess with the straights...." 

* * *

New York, Steven's Manhattan Loft, 6 Days until Christmas 

✧✧

Ryan had thought his ski jacket would be alright, but the truth was that New York was fucking cold. There wasn't that much snow by east coast standards, but by Ryan Bergara standards it was a fucking winter wonderland. 

"Jesus Christ," he said for about the twentieth time as yet another pedestrian bumped into him as he fumbled with his suitcase down the street. He'd been dropped off about a few blocks too early because of a mistake he made with the GPS and now Ryan was getting a fresh taste of New York while dragging one large suitcase, a briefcase and a backpack through damp and melted dirty snow. "This is wonderful," he said sarcastically for about the eighth time, before he finally, _finally,_ made it to the right spot. 

"Stairs?" he whined to himself, "How, is this, disability accessible," he complained with each bump as he dragged his suitcase up to the front door. Once inside, however, he already began to feel a bit more open to the place. 

He got his key from the front desk lady, and the elevator took him to the seventh floor without a hitch. Once inside, Ryan could see that Steven's loft was as-advertised. It wasn't a big place, but it wasn't tiny either. It had...charm. It also was all for him, so he supposed he couldn't complain. 

He set his stuff down, and sat on Steven's cozy bed, looking out the massive window that offered that New York skyline he'd been promised. There was more out there in the world than he knew, Ryan thought. There was more out there than Brent. He was going to get over this. He was going to move on. He had to. 

"There's only one thing to do," Ryan said to himself. "Let's get fucked up."

✧✧

At the corner mart, Ryan grabbed about anything that looked remotely interesting to him. Chocolate? Check. Chips? Check. Frozen pizzas? Double check. 

He didn't have Brent to cook for him anymore, his mind reminded him but he shushed that noise quickly and grabbed a package of frozen burritos.

As the soda, copious amounts of alcohol, popcorn and all of the above mentioned junk food went across the conveyor belt the cashier smiled at him, "Big party tonight?" 

Ryan laughed, opening up one of the cans of beer and drinking it almost entirely in one go. "You could say that." 

✧✧

Ryan was hammered at about five o'clock in the afternoon, singing along to The Killers on Steven's stereo with a glass of brandy in one hand, and a piece of pizza in the other, " _Jealousy! Takes it's turn into the sea! To acoustic lullabies! Choking all my alibis! But it's just the price! I pay! Destiny is calling me....open up my eager eyes....cause I'm Mr. Brightside!!!"_

Ryan had never felt so bold or so free. Who the fuck was Brent anyway? Who cared about work?! He didn't need friends. He was going to party all night, _his way,_ and nothing was going to fucking stop him!

✧✧

Ryan was asleep on the couch by 7.

He woke up with a massive headache at around ten because he was dehydrated and needed to pee. He went back to bed with an aspirin and water. Tomorrow, he told himself, stumbling as he looked out at the twinkling lights of the city. Tomorrow night he'd party. He pushed back the curtains, turned on a murder documentary and fell asleep.

Around one there was a knock on the door. 

Ryan sat up in bed. "Wha? Where am I?" It was pitch black in there except for a thin light coming from a door across from him. His weird serial-killer documentary inspired dreams were still in his mind, even as he flipped on a light and remembered. "Fuck." He rubbed at his head. "I'm an idiot." 

There was that knock again. "Shit." The clock on the wall read 1:04am. Who the hell could that be at this hour? 

"C'mon, I know you're in there," a slurred voice was saying, and Ryan reached for something he could use as a weapon. He saw a camera stand. That would have to do. "Who is it?"   
  
"Jesus, you know it's me, I'm locked out, please, Steven, just help a guy out." 

Ryan abruptly opened the door, tripod at the ready, held like a bat, as he looked up, and up at a tall brunet man with fuzzy hair and owlish eyes. "Oh, shit!" the man jerked back at him, as though expecting to be hit. "You're not Steven."

No, he wasn't, but this guy was cute. The taller man abruptly leaned in a lot closer than Ryan would've liked, peering at him. It made his heart race. God, what was it with him and tall nerdy white guys?

"Or I'm a lot drunker than I thought I was." 

"No," Ryan said, suddenly realizing how stupid he looked with his camera stand but not dropping it quite yet, "Who're you?" 

"I'm Shane," Shane said, like this explained everything. "I'm his neighbor." He smiled a bit goofily and Ryan blinked up at him. "Um. I locked myself out. I was hoping to use the toilet." 

"Oh." Ryan stood back, "Okay, go ahead." Shane gave him and his camera stand a weird look, "Uh, so, what'd you do with Steven anyway?" he asked, stepping in and looking around as though he expected to find Steven's dead body laying around somewhere. 

"I didn't do anything with him," he said a bit defensively, then he told himself to calm down, "We uh, we swapped houses for Christmas." 

Shane stopped in front of the bathroom and leaned on the frame, looking back at him, "Did you? Huh. That's interesting. So where's he now?" 

"Los Angeles." Shane whistled lowly. "Sounds like you got the shit end of the stick, Mr..." 

"Bergara, Ryan Bergara." 

"...Mr. Bergara, Ryan Bergara," Shane finished agreeably, and Ryan blushed. He told himself it was because of frustration. What a weirdo. 

"I'm not..." that excuse went out the window when couldn't help giggling. "You can call me Ryan, I'm not James Bond." 

Shane nodded, looking like he was trying not to smile, "Really, Ryan? Could've fooled me," he said, motioning to the freaking tripod Ryan was still holding and he _winked,_ and closed the bathroom door. Shit. 

A moment of embarrassed waiting later, with Ryan dumping the camera stand somewhere else and definitely _not_ trying to fix his hair in Steven's hallway mirror before the door opened again and Shane was stumbling back out of the bathroom, knocking his head against the low-lying entranceway. Fuck, he was tall. Ryan winced in sympathy as Shane rubbed at his head, then stopped in front of him, putting an arm against the wall to prop himself up while he spoke. "Uh, would you mind if I sit?" Shane asked, "I feel like I'm going to fall on you otherwise." Ryan cleared his throat and nodded, suddenly aware that he was just in his t-shirt and pajama bottoms, while Shane was fully dressed and still wearing his coat. "Yeah, no, okay." 

Soon they were sitting across from each other in Steven's living room, just looking at one another while Ryan began to rethink his life's choices.

"So, there's no easy way to ask this," Shane finally said, and Ryan couldn't explain why that question made his heart race with anticipation, "But, um. The last couple of times I've locked myself out, Steven's let me sleep on his couch until I could call maintanence in the morning. Would it be completely awful of me to ask if I could stay here tonight?"

Ryan blinked at him again. "Oh."

"I promise, I'll be gone before you wake up." 

"No, no, that's..totally fine," Ryan said, shaking his head. Okay, so, he'd misread the situation. Not a big deal. Shane just couldn't tell normal boundaries because he was drunk, and Ryan was still a bit buzzed himself and nursing a broken heart. Besides, Steven had told him there were no gay guys around. He was being pathetic. "You can take the couch."

"Really?" Shane asked with his big brown eyes and Ryan forced a smile, "Yeah, really. Let me just try to find you some blankets..."

"Oh, they're in the hall cabinet, just over there." 

"Oh, thanks," Ryan said as he grabbed them, walking back over to the couch with a sizable pile of bedclothes in his hands. 

"So how is your time in the Big Apple going so far?" Shane asked him as Ryan deposited the sheets and blankets in a neat pile next to the couch.

"Oh. Um. Alright. I don't know. Not bad. Not great, but not bad." He smiled a bit thinly, "Uh, the thing is I just broke up with my boyfriend, like, yesterday? so. I came here to forget that I was alone, and. Uh. Of course I'm a lot more alone here, so it was kinda a stupid decision. I never make rash decisions like that, so. Don't know if I'll stay here the whole two weeks yet or not." 

Shane's face was full of sympathy, "New York's a lonely place," he said quietly, and Ryan hummed in agreement before he leaned over and patted Shane's knee in what he hoped was a friendly manner. "Anyways. Not your fault. I'll let you sleep." 

Before he could leave Shane grabbed his hand and pulled him closer as he stood, making Ryan once again very aware of how tall Shane was compared to him. "Goodnight, Ryan," he murmured, and then he leant in and _kissed him on the lips._

Ryan blinked, his lips tingling as Shane pulled away. He felt his brain disconnecting, "I-I-,uh..." he stammered, incredulous at how calm and collected Shane managed to look after kissing a stranger goodnight like that. Was that a New York thing? Who cared, he didn't have any shame left. "I-I'm sorry, would you mind trying that again?" 

Shane's eyes widened but he didn't say anything to the contrary as he leant in and kissed Ryan again, a bit slower, a soft slide of mouths, that had Ryan pulling away with a sudden pop.

"Oh, Jesus," Ryan groaned, and he collapsed on the couch, with Shane close behind him, sitting so their thighs were touching.  

"I don't do this," he was saying, even as Shane was there, watching him with a puppy dog look on his face. "I don't kiss strangers, but...um...let me just..." 

He took Shane's face in his hands and kissed him again, but his eyes were open the whole time and he felt that fluttering as equally as he felt some weird, misplaced guilt for kissing another man that wasn't Brent. 

"Maybe if I closed my eyes," he murmured, and Shane nodded silently, maybe afraid of breaking the delicate nature of this moment.

As soon as Ryan's eyes fluttered closed he felt two large, warm palms frame his face and lips grazing his skin. There was a soft kiss pressed to each eyelid, then to each cheek, and he gasped as Shane made his way down to his mouth before claiming it in a searing kiss.  Shane made to deepen the kiss, his warm hands trailing down to Ryan's waist to pull him in when Ryan pulled away. "Y-you know, given that I'm kind of in a weird place right now, and that I'm in a strange home, and you're this like, handsome stranger that I'll probably never speak to again and you're kind of drunk and probably won't even remember any of this...." Shane nodded, looking understanding, but Ryan finished his thought, "So. I think we should have sex." It was Shane's turn to blink at him. 

"That is...if you want to?" Ryan asked, looking unsure.

"Is that a trick question?" Shane asked, a crooked smile on his face, and Ryan flushed, "No. That's what makes this so crazy. I'm never like this? Like. The more that I think about the fact that I'll never see you again after this the more I'm convinced," Ryan said, pulling Shane in by his scarf, "Like this is what vacations are about right? Finding the unexpected?" Shane was now very close to his lips again, their noses brushing together, "And you are, _completely_ unexpected..." 

Shane's lips quirked, and he could feel his breath against his mouth. "I think I liked this better before I knew I was going to be your cabana boy," and Ryan laughed. "See? And you're funny too." Shane shook his head, but he still hadn't moved away from Ryan which he took as a good sign, "You say that now. Don't try speaking to me when I'm sober," Shane quipped. 

"Deal," Ryan said, and then he was in Shane's lap, kissing him with his hands in Shane's fluffy brown hair. Shane's tongue was in his mouth, and it had been so long since someone had wanted him like this, since he had wanted this. 

"Oh, I gotta warn you," he said, pulling back, and he watched Shane blink back at him looking a little cross-eyed and sweet, "Yeah?" 

"I'm not very good at this," he said, trying not to blush too much. "This being?" Shane asked, now a little confused. "Sex." That made Shane laugh, "Now, _that_ can't be true." 

Ryan cleared his throat, "Yeah, well, my ex told me that more than once. I have a hard time turning my brain off." He looked a little embarrassed, thinking about how distant Brent had been, how it had made him turn him down on more than one occasion. He grimaced. "Am I talking you out of this?" 

Shane shook his head, a little smile on his face. "Surprisingly, no."

He felt Shane readjusting his grip on him, and abruptly he was standing. Ryan's arms went around Shane's neck to hold on as he let out a gasp.

"I think we just need to find a way to turn that brain of yours off," Shane said in a low voice, and then they were in the bedroom and Ryan was laid down, out on top of the mattress and duvet in such a way so that he felt as desirable as he'd ever felt somehow in this loft bedroom with just the lowlight of the lamp, wearing his old pajamas with just a sliver of his stomach showing from where his t-shirt had ridden up. He swallowed at the look in the taller man's eyes as Shane shrugged out of his coat and tossed his scarf on the ground before he crawled, catlike up his body, and turned off the lamp, leaving their moans to swallowing mouths and grasping hands in the dark.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no self control, enjoy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after with Shane and Ryan, and Steven gets an unexpected phone call and makes a new friend.
> 
> (If you haven't seen the movie then Steven's section is going to seem a little random! Bear with me!)

New York, Steven's Manhattan Loft, 5 Days until Christmas 

✧✧

The following morning, Ryan threw on a long t-shirt and boxer-briefs and slipped out of bed, leaving his lanky bed-guest softly snoring behind him. 

He was going to try to surprise Shane with breakfast, or at least coffee before he left. It may have been a few years since he slept with someone new but he wasn't a complete animal, he could be a good host. 

The only thing was trying to figure out how Steven's coffee maker worked. It wasn't as elaborate as his espresso machine back home, but that thing literally did everything for him.

Abruptly he heard a sound behind him and turned and saw Shane emerging, buttoning up his shirt, his coat and scarf over his arm. "I think I lost my contacts at some point last night," he said wryly, before rifling in his coat and pulling out a pair of glasses. He put them on, and looked up with a big goofy look on his face that said 'ta-da' and Ryan had to giggle at this overgrown bird of a man, "Look at you." "Good as new." "Good as new," Ryan laughed. 

Shane was leaning down as slipped on his sneakers, "Making coffee?" 

"Yeah, whenever I figure out how this thing works..."

"Here, let me..." Shane stood and stepped behind him and leaned around Ryan so that his chest brushed against Ryan's back and then he picked up the unplugged cord "Aha..." he said, giving Ryan a look, and Ryan blushed, "Oh, you need cords in New York still? Huh..." he joked lamely.

"Oh, I forgot. Everything's already wireless in LA," Shane joked back, and Ryan laughed, grateful that Shane didn't make him feel like more of an idiot than he already felt. 

As the coffee began to brew, Shane turned back to the side and leaned against the countertop. "Um. So." 

Ryan swallowed, assuming he knew what was coming, and wanted to cut it off at the past, "Look, you don't have to worry about me." 

Shane raised an eyebrow, "No?" 

"No. I mean, you, this, it was great and all but..." he shook his head, trying to show just how cool he was with a one-night stand, and likely failing. 

Shane's mouth crept up at the corner, "Oh. Right." 

Ryan cleared his throat and went to grab mugs, finding them a bit too high to reach, and felt Shane behind him once again, "for what it's worth," he heard him say as Shane pressed a mug into his hand, "What your ex boyfriend said about you? Patently false." 

Ryan felt his ears go red. "Oh." 

Shane stepped back, allowing Ryan get their coffee, "Right, well. You were drunk," he said self-deprecatingly, glancing up to see Shane give him a look. "Not that drunk." He blushed. "Yeah, well." 

Just then, a cellphone went off on the counter next to Shane's wallet. Ryan got there first, in time to see the name "Finn" on it. He swallowed as Shane's large hand brushed his to take his iPhone back. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to look." 

"It's alright," Shane said, pocketing his phone. "I'll call him back." He watched as Shane went to grab his coat, shrugging into it. "Oh, you...uh. You didn't want a cup?" 

Shane glanced up at him, "Uh, you know what? I should probably be going." Ryan tried not to feel disappointed, "No, yeah. Of course. Me too, probably, soon." 

Shane gave him a smile that was a little too kind, and Ryan looked away. "Uh, so," Shane was saying again, "Look, I know that you said you weren't sure if you were going to stick around, and that you are really not interested..." 

"Oh, god," Ryan said, cringing, "It's okay, really, you don't have to do this-"

"But like, my life is a bit of a mess right now," Shane was still saying.

"-look, it's okay. Mine too. And anyway, we hardly know each other..."

Shane arched a brow, "Well, I wouldn't say that..." and Ryan sucked in his cheeks, kind of wishing a hole would open up and swallow him now. 

"But, I'm just saying," Shane went on, "You're better off without me and my whole...mess." 

"Okay," Ryan said just to get him to stop talking.

"Oh. Uh. No need to go on, then," Shane said, more to himself, "Right." He looked like he was about to leave and then stopped again, "I just...I just want to make sure you are okay, because-" 

"I'm not going to fall in love with you," Ryan cut in, flustered. "I promise." 

Shane's eyebrows both went up in surprise, and he laughed, looking embarrassed, "Okay, that's one way to put it-"

"No, no, I'm sorry," Ryan said, feeling his stomach twist with nerves, "Look, I just...I'm not good at relationships or making time for other people, I'm not sure I know how to even be in love, I'm just...I'm trying to say you don't have to worry about me." 

The look Shane gave him was kinder than Ryan deserved, and he leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I'll try not to, then." 

As Shane pulled away, Ryan found it hard to meet his eyes, but then Shane was back to his silly self in a moment, attempting to lighten the moment, "I'd apologize for being shit at calling you after a date, but then again, this wasn't a date, so I guess I'm off the hook!" Ryan laughed, pretending he didn't feel a little sad about that, "Exactly." 

Shane smiled as he wrapped on his scarf, but then he hesitated again. "But what if I wanted to call you?" 

He watched as Ryan froze, suddenly caught off guard, "Ah, Shane said, "Right, sorry. I guess I'm not as good at this as I thought." 

Ryan told himself not to say anything, as much as he wanted to. He'd had fun with Shane but Shane was hardly long-term material, right? They'd just had a one-night stand, and he'd just broken up with his longterm boyfriend. Going out with him would be a stupid idea.

"But, if you do stick around...I'll be at the Irish pub just down the road with some friends tonight. Or. You know, I'm just down the hall. 7C," he said looking at Ryan expectantly and Ryan blushed, "7C," he repeated, and Shane winked at him, giving Ryan finger guns which made him laugh and shake his head even as Shane said, "You got it." 

"You're so smooth," Ryan called out after him as Shane opened up the door to leave, "You know it, baby," Shane winked at him, and Ryan laughed as the door was closed, and Shane was gone. 

"Oh my god," Ryan said to himself, running a hand through his hair. "What have I got myself into?"

✧✧

That night when Shane entered O'Malley's, he looked around the room pretending like he wasn't looking for Ryan (when of course that's exactly what he was doing) to no avail. Okay, it wasn't a big deal, he told himself as he joined his friends Garrett and Garrick at the table and ordered himself a beer. It was a one time thing. Most guys would kill for the opportunity for something so easy and low key. How often could you say you had sex with a beautiful man with so few strings attached? It was over, and he should just be happy it happened at all. 

But his eyes continued to scan the bar until about ten minutes later when he saw a broader man step aside from where he had been obstructing his view of Ryan Bergara sitting alone at a table for one, craning his neck from his seat until their eyes met across the room and twin smiles appeared on both of their faces.

Maybe this was just beginning. 

* * *

Los Angeles, Ryan's Los Angeles Home, 5 Days until Christmas 

✦✦

Steven woke up early, feeling refreshed and eager to explore LA. He literally could push a button to have the light-proof curtains come up and down, and a personal stereo so he could have music play through the bed frame. "This is the life," Steven said giddily, sitting up and ready for his day.

His phone went off and he reached for it without looking, "Heeeellloo," he said cheerily, before he heard Adam's voice say, "Hey Steven," on the other end, and his heart dropped into his stomach. "Oh. Hi Adam," he said, sitting up taller, cradling his phone to his face, "W-what's up?" 

"I heard you're in LA." 

"Uh, yeah." 

"How's that?" 

"Good." He swallowed, "Going great." 

"Awesome. Look, I know it's Christmas, but would you mind it if I asked you to edit one more article for me and Rie?" He swallowed as Adam went on, "You know I'm no good with words and English isn't her first language..." 

Steven sat back, pushing the button on the curtains so they began to close again, making the room like dark as midnight at eight am in the morning, "Yeah, okay.."

"You're the best, Steven. I'll email it to you. Have a good day." 

"Okay, you too," Steven's muffled voice said, and he hung up as he burrowed further beneath the blankets.

✦✦

Some hours later, and Steven was driving down the street in Ryan's car (he'd left him the keys! it had been a little while since he'd driven anywhere but this was a blast) when he saw an older man in a shirt with blue squares looking both ways along the side of the road. Steven thought he'd seen the man walk by Ryan's gate the other day with his walker and a caretaker. He looked a little lost. 

"Hi, there," Steven said, parking and getting out, "Hi, would you like me to give you a ride to your place?"

The older fellow had big green eyes behind his rectangular glasses and he seemed surprised that Steven was speaking to him, "Do you know where I live?" 

"I believe I do," Steven said warmly. 

"Well that makes one of us," the man joked, and Steven laughed. "Oh. Don't worry then, here," and he led him to his car, helping him in, and putting his walker in the back seat. As Steven got in, the man looked at him, "Well, it's been a while since I've been recognized off the street," he said, and Steven gave him a curious smile, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," the man went on, "After all, I retired nearly twenty or so years ago." 

"Wow," Steven went on, "From what?" 

"I had a few television shows," the man said, "I would host a lot of things, but mostly I liked to cook and write about cooking." 

"What?" Steven asked in surprise, "No way." "Way," the man said.

They were at his house now, "Well, thank you for your kind hospitality," he was saying, and Steven watched him struggle with the door before he jumped out to help him, "No problem at all," Steven said as he guided him up to his front step. "It was my pleasure Mr...?" 

"Habersberger," the man said, blinking at him behind his large lenses, "You can call me Keith." 

Why did that name sound so familiar to him? Steven wondered, as he helped him inside, but the moment he stepped in he was surrounded by walls of pictures and articles, shelves of cook books and awards. The main poster across from him showed what was likely Keith as a young man with light brown hair with another man who had darker brown hair, and they were both smiling and holding a fried chicken drumstick each with the large word  _Chickenwatch_  illuminated above them. 

Oh gosh, wasn't that a show his parents had watched? 

He was in awe, gawping at all of the memorabilia and history around him, but what really caught his eye was the armchair in the corner, with what looked like the remains of a frozen pizza dinner for one. 

"You know, I was wondering," Steven said, watching as Keith peered back at him, "If you had any plans for dinner tonight?" and he watched Keith laugh, "I haven't had plans since the nineties," he said, and Steven smiled. "Well then. I have a feeling you'll know where we should go." 

✦✦ 

They were at a nice chicken-and-waffles type place for dinner, and Keith was saying, "When I worked here-"

"Wait, you used to work here?"

"Oh yeah, first job I ever had, maybe one of the best jobs I ever had," he said humbly. 

"Was that your first job in Hollywood?" Steven asked, leaning in eagerly.

"Followed by a catering gig. That's how I met Chris Reinacher, who I would go on to form Chickenwatch with. We were both just servers in aprons who thought we were pretty funny." 

Steven was captivated, but then Keith leaned in a bit, "But I'm curious, why is it that a nice young professional like you had nothing better to do than visit an old man during your Christmas vacation?"

Steven tried to laugh it off, but Keith was persistent. "Look, sometimes it's just nice to get away from the people you see all the time." 

"Hmm..." Keith didn't look convinced. 

"Or, at least, one certain person...." Steven could feel tears well in his eyes but Keith motioned for him to continue, "I...uh, my crush got engaged and forgot to tell me." 

"So, he's a schmuck," Keith said. "Apparently, yeah," Steven laughed, wiping away the traces of tears from his eyes, "Or, I don't know." 

"Steven," Keith interrupted him before he could spiral further, "It's his loss, but either way, he's not the one for you, and here you are acting like you've lost your only chance at love." 

Steven sniffed a bit, offering Keith an embarrassed smile "You're right, you're totally right." He shook his head, "Keith, I've had a therapist for three years, and nobody's ever put it that simply. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant." He scrubbed a hand over his face, "God what was I thinking...did I mention he's straight?" 

That made Keith laugh, "Well then, you were dooming yourself from the start, Steven!"

"God, don't I know it. Don't I know it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes Keith is the old man from the movie 
> 
> lmao go watch Chickenwatch/his old videos with Chris Reinacher if you haven't seen 'em!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Shane have a day to themselves and Steven hosts a dinner party.

New York, Steven's Manhattan Loft, 5 Days until Christmas 

✧✧

Ryan woke up with the biggest hangover he'd had since he'd been in college. "Jesus Christ, what did I do last night?" he wondered out loud.

As he sat up, he saw a tall glass of water and aspirin waiting for him on the side table, and took it gratefully. Had he set that up for himself?

There was a noise from outside of the bedroom and suddenly it hit him. Shane.

Ryan grabbed his nearest t-shirt and padded out on the wooden floor, to see if Shane was still here...he was. And he was making _him_ coffee this time. There was no time for Ryan to duck back and hide because Shane had turned at a squeak in his step and was smiling at him now. Caught. "Um, good morning," he said awkwardly, frantically trying to pat down his flyaway hairs.

"Hello there," Shane said warmly, looking a little amused at his appearance, "Glad to see you among the living this fine Wednesday morning."

Ryan let out a laugh and then promptly tripped on one of his sneakers that was left just lying there.

"Oh, shit!" he bent to pick it up, along with his other shoe...and pair of jeans?! "Oh my god," he groaned, looking up to see Shane peering down at him, "I guess we hooked up..."

Shane let out a huff of a laugh that suggested he was less than flattered and said,  "Um, no. No we did not."

"Oh thank god," Ryan said in relief.

Shane cleared his throat and nodded, "Right..."

Ryan colored, "No, I mean, I don't mean it like that...I just mean, you know, that I don't remember it..."

Shane gave him a look, passing him his mug of coffee, his voice sardonic as he said, "Uh, call me old-fashioned, but I don't have sex with unconscious young men." 

" _Unconscious?_ " Ryan blushed to his ears, "Oh my god, that's embarrassing." 

Shane's mouth tweaked, "You were very...excited, and then...you were asleep." 

Ryan covered his face with his hands, "God, I'm so sorry."

Shane laughed, and gave his shoulder a nudge, "Hey, it's not your fault your little body can't handle as much alcohol as mine," he said with a wink, making Ryan sputter indignantly, but he went on, "And I was happy to get you home safe." 

What could Ryan say to that? 

"But you stayed..." Ryan said, and suddenly he remembered, "Did I...did I ask you to stay?" 

Shane sipped his coffee without saying anything and Ryan felt his ears turn pink again, "Wait...did I _beg_ you to stay?" but Shane just sipped louder. 

"Oh my _god_." "Don't worry about it." 

"That's so embarrassing."

"It's fine," Shane said genuinely before teasing him again, pinching at his chin, "How could I turn a face like that down, huh?" 

Before Ryan could even begin to think of a comeback to _that,_ Shane's phone went off on the counter again and Ryan grabbed it before Shane could and saw the name Finn on it again. "Uh, here."

"Thanks," Shane said, and he smiled thinly, "I should probably take that."

"Okay."

"Be right back," and he watched Shane walk down the hall on his phone, trying not to listen in. Was Finn another guy Shane was seeing? Was he his boyfriend? Shane would be a good boyfriend, he couldn't help but think. He hardly knew him, but Ryan couldn't see him as a cheater. 

....but if he _was,_ did that make _Ryan_ the other man? Jesus Christ. That was another rabbit hole he shouldn't go down. 

"No, today's just not going to work," he heard Shane say before Shane looked up and caught him looking at him. Oops. He looked down, quickly pretending to be absorbed in his coffee. 

"No, it's okay, I'll talk to you later, alright? Okay, okay, bye." Shane ended his phone call and came back over to the kitchen while Ryan tried his best not to look like he'd been eavesdropping, but Shane didn't confront him on it. Instead he surprised him by saying, "I think we should go out." 

"What?" Ryan gaped. 

"It's almost Christmas and you haven't really seen any of the sights yet!"

"This isn't my first time in New York-"

"Even still," Shane ducked his head, looking up at Ryan in a way that made his stomach flip, "We should get lunch, get to know each other." 

"After last night I would've thought you'd want to be miles away from me by now," Ryan countered, but he'd already given in.  

"Nah, you're not getting rid of me that easily," Shane said with a wink, and Ryan couldn't explain why that made him feel as happy as that did. 

"How could I say no to a face like that, huh?" he quipped back at Shane in a bad attempt at Shane's voice, pinching his chin, and it made the big guy laugh. "Aw, I'm surprised you can reach my face, that must make you happy," he teased, and Ryan scoffed, "You already know I can reach your face you Sasquatch."

"Hmm," Shane made a pleased sound, "Good point. On second thought, we can always stay in..." his eyes sparkled with mischief as Ryan felt his face flame, "Shut up. I'm not that easy," and Shane's laughter echoed throughout the loft. 

✧✧

Going out together in broad daylight felt somehow more intimate then the two evenings they'd spent together for the single reason that it meant they weren't just trying to hook up together. As Shane held the door open for him at the Chipotle ("We're in New York and you want to go to Chipotle?" "...we don't have to." "No, if you want Chipotle we'll get Chipotle") Ryan couldn't help but feel that he was getting in over his head. 

Shane paid for his food despite Ryan's attempts to stave him off ("You can get mine next time," he'd said) and they ended up in a corner booth. "This is probably one of the first times we're not either drinking or drunk," Ryan said as Shane took a sip of his coke and Shane pulled off the straw to laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners endearingly. "Yeah, you know, we should definitely test out Sober Shane-and-Ryan before we get married," Shane deadpanned and Ryan burst out laughing. "Oh my god you're the worst."

"Hah, you like it." 

Ryan rolled his eyes and took a big bite of his burrito while Shane laughed at him. 

"So, what is it that you do? Aside from getting locked out and playing Bigfoot on the weekends," Ryan asked, but Shane's smile didn't disappear, "Well, aside from that, I'm an editor. I used to work with Steven before I got an opportunity at Harper Collins." 

"Holy shit, that's great."

"Yeah, I like it," Shane agreed. 

"What do you do, mostly? Like, comment all over people's books?"

"Um, yeah, depending on how much they need it."

"Is that something you've always wanted to do? Why did you go into publishing? Is that why you're in New York?" 

"Um-" 

"Oh gosh, am I interrogating you?"

"-a little." 

"Like one of those bad cop movies?" 

"Yeah, like, 'where were you Tuesday night?'"

Shane laughed, affecting an old-timey movie accent, "I swear, I have an alibi!"

"I'm not sure I believe you," Ryan quipped back, imitating a similar bad gangster voice. "Where's your proof?" 

"Sorry officer, I guess you got me," Shane said, batting his eyes at Ryan in a way that made him laugh.

"But if you really want to know, I grew up with my parents both working for big publishing houses and it's something that sort of passed down to me." Shane licked his lips in thought before adding, "Also...my dad wrote historical fiction, and it's something I've tried my hand at a time or two, but for the most part I've not found creative work to pay as well so.... here we are." 

"That's really cool," Ryan said, and Shane smiled as though he thought Ryan was only humoring him. "No, really. You're into history?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely."

"Me too!"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. I've worked on a few things for the History Channel-"

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah!" 

Shane tried to hide how impressed he was by that with a sarcastic, "Dunno if it should be called the history channel any more with all of their conspiracy shows about aliens and ghosts and Bigfoot..." and he was surprised to see Ryan color. "Um, yeah, I guess that's f-fair," Ryan said, "I mean, its not 100% human history, but-"

"Did you just say it's not _human_ history?"

"-what's wrong with aliens and ghosts?" 

"Oh my god," Shane said with dawning realization, and he saw Ryan color more, but he was smiling in a way that showed he knew he was going to be called on his crap. "Are those _your shows?_ "

"Um..." 

"You're a ghost hunter?"

"Well-"

"A UFO chaser? A monster catcher?" 

Ryan was caught between fits of giggles, "I-I-I wouldn't go that far..."

"Oh my god, I've had sex with Agent Mulder," Shane moaned, hiding behind his face while Ryan was struck between wanting to laugh until he cried or hitting the lanky jerk across from him. "I never thought I was going to be Scully." 

Blushing to high-heaven, Ryan kicked Shane under the table, unable to really be upset with the way Shane peered back at him with a mischievous look on his face, now that he was brushing Ryan's leg with his own foot. "You, sir, are impossible," he said, hiding behind his burrito so he could think of some sort of comeback, "And besides, who wouldn't want to have sex with Mulder." 

"He is a fox," Shane said dryly. "He _is_ -" Ryan agreed eagerly, putting his burrito down before catching the joke. "Oh, wait," he laughed, and Shane laughed with him.

"Anyways, nobody said you had to like my shows..."

"I've never sat through a full episode of any of that-"

"Right. Well. There you go." 

"Oh baby, but I'm going to marathon them now," Shane said, and Ryan had to laugh, "Oh god, I didn't say you had to do that-"

"Now, I will. Gotta see the hard-hitting journalism you've got going on." 

Ryan stared at him a moment, his mouth in a thin line, "Uh-huh." 

"Hey, I'd loved to be proven wrong," Shane was quick to say, "I'm sure it's based solidly in science and...reality." 

"So you're an asshole," Ryan said, crinkling the remaining tinfoil leftover from his burrito, and setting it aside, "Good to know." How very like Brent Shane seemed in that moment, he wasn't going to take a word he said seriously. 

Shane laughed, but his eyes scanned Ryan's face, he did something he rarely did: he conceded. "You know what, okay, you're right."

Ryan arched a brow, but Shane went on, "Why don't you tell me about how you got into this...business, I can't promise I'll believe in everything that you do, but I'll try not to approach everything with an open mind and not be such an asshole about it. Deal?"

Ryan's smile softened. He could see that Shane was trying to be sincere, and that meant more than he knew, "Deal."

"So it all started when I was a kid on the Queen Mary's..." 

 ✧✧

One hour later, whatever tension that had been present in that first moment was gone-even if they were still arguing over which was more likely to exist: Bigfoot or Aliens. Shane wouldn't even pretend to consider ghosts or demons for a minute, but instead of getting offended, Ryan began to take it as a challenge. 

"Look, if you'd been at the Sallie House, I swear-" "I'd get to see you have several heart attacks in person?" 

"Dick," Ryan said fondly, and Shane laughed, sipping at the last bit of his soda. "I'm going to get a refill, you want one?" "Sure." 

They threw away their trash, and left not long after that. Somehow between the walk from Chipotle to Times Square Shane's hand had slipped into Ryan's, but Ryan wasn't going to pull away. They spent the rest of their afternoon window-shopping and play-fighting, and by the time they walked into Central Park with Shane pretending to see some sort of deer or other animal just off the path, Ryan was pressed up against a tree trunk with Shane kissing him, shielding him from the freshly falling snow and any curious passerby. 

"You've got...snow in your hair," Ryan said afterward, unable to stop staring at Shane's own pink lips and stubble that he could still feel on his face. Shane leant down and Ryan brushed it out, allowing his hands to stay in Shane's hair perhaps a minute too long, because then Shane was kissing him again, and they had to sort themselves out a bit after. 

 ✧✧

The sun was beginning to set by the time they made it back to their building, and they took the elevator, smiling at each other like fools the whole way up. They walked down the hall towards 7E (Steven's apartment) before Ryan stopped in the middle of the hall, causing Shane to stop next to him, "You don't have to walk me to the door," he said, and Shane gave him an odd look, "Uh, you can just say you don't want me to come in." 

"I didn't say that-" 

"I'll try to believe you." 

Ryan couldn't tell if Shane was hurt or not but he felt anxious butterflies float back to the top of his stomach, "No, no, I don't mean it like that. It's just..." He swallowed, "I'm only here for a week and a half. That makes this...complicated." 

Shane was looking at him, and Ryan didn't know why this was so hard. "I just don't know if I can handle complicated right now." 

Shane nodded, smiling, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "Okay," he said, and Ryan couldn't help himself, he stood up on his tiptoes and kissed him. 

Shane wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist and kissed him again, and again until Ryan's toes curled, but he managed to pull away.

"And that doesn't complicate things?" Shane asked sounding a bit breathless. "Sex complicates things," Ryan conceded with an embarrassed grin, "Even when you don't have it, _that_ complicates things." 

"Which is why you should have it," Shane countered, stepping a bit closer, "Some say." Ryan played with Shane's scarf a moment, considering, but shook his head, and saw Shane take a step back.

"Well, I do have other things I could be working on," Shane said, putting his hands into his pockets. 

"I still want to see you," Ryan promised. He didn't want Shane to disappear from his life entirely. "I still want to see more of New York with you before I go." 

"I'll hold you to it," Shane quipped cheerily, but it seemed a little forced and Ryan knew he had to go inside or else he never would. "I'll see you around." 

"See you," Shane said back, and they both went into their respective apartments for the night.  

* * *

 Los Angeles, Ryan's LA Home, 4 Days until Christmas 

✦✦

Andrew parked his red convertible in front of Ryan's house, it was a few days after he'd said he'd come by for Brent's laptop but life had gotten busy. Just because Christmas was coming didn't mean the restaurant got a break until Christmas day. 

He knocked and stepped back in time for Steven to open the door. Steven was wearing a nice button-up shirt and cardigan this time, and Andrew immediately could smell that something was cooking. Oh, god, had he interrupted his dinner? 

"Sorry, did I come at a bad time?" 

"No, no, it's okay," Steven was saying, looking only a little flustered as he let Andrew in.

"How's it going?" Andrew asked him, watching Steven run a hand over his silver spiky hair, "Good, no it's going good." 

He could hear clinking and voices coming from the back room, "Are you..having a party right now?" 

"Um, yeah. Actually, I met my neighbor Keith, and he knew I didn't know anyone else around here, and so he and some of his friends came over and it kinda turned into a mixed-holiday dinner." 

"Wow," Andrew laughed, "That sounds great." 

"Do you want to join us?" Steven blurted out and Andrew looked surprised. "Oh. Um. That's okay, you don't have to invite me, I kinda came here unanounced." 

"Are you sure?" he watched Steven look both ways before leaning in and whispering conspiratorially, "The creators of _Chickenwatch_ are here." 

"What?!" Andrew gaped, "Wait, Keith as in Keith Habersberger?" 

"Yes! And Chris Reinacher is here too!"  

"Oh my god." Andrew's blue-green eyes were huge now and Steven had to laugh. 

"I'll take that as a yes!" 

"Oh, _yes!"_

✦✦

Keith and Chris were _hilarious_ guests, and yet Steven still couldn't quite get over the fact that he had Andrew eating at his table with him too. They were all absorbed in their crazy stories about their days on the show and how they'd almost got canceled on more than one occasion. "At one point they told us we should try to make it more serious," Keith was saying, gesticulating as he spoke, "You know, like other cooking shows. Less joking, more cooking and tasting. They even told us to get rid of the singing segments..."

"But it wouldn't have been _Chickenwatch_ without the songs, I mean, c'mon," Andrew was saying, and Chris pointed at him, "I like this guy. He knows what he's talking about." 

One of their other friends, Zach Kornfeld was a retired critic from the day, and Steven was equally enthralled in hearing how he'd entered the profession ("You  created the Tasty column?" "Oh yeah, and people weren't always thrilled with it." "No Way.") and what it had been like to review some of the greatest cooks of their generation. Steven couldn't have put together a better cast of characters if he'd tried. 

"You must've been a real ladies man back in the day," Andrew was saying to Keith now, and it made all of them laugh, "Eh, not exactly" Keith laughed. "I mean, I can't help if they all loved me," he wiggled his eyebrows comically, "but I was a one-lady kinda guy. I got married fairly young and it was just Becky for me."

Despite himself, Steven couldn't help but love a good love story and he let out a wistful sigh. Keith caught Steven's eye and then winked before turning to Andrew, "What about you Andrew? Are you a lady killer? Or a man-eater or whatever it is they say?" 

"Oh," Andrew said, caught off guard a little, and he laughed, "Um, not exactly. I'm a one-person guy too. There's been this girl in my life for the past five months, we're not exactly dating but, she's really great." 

"Where is she tonight?" Keith asked, and Andrew smiled, "Oh, um. She's with her best friend. They got a cabin in Big Bear for Christmas, you know, as a girl's thing." 

"Right," Keith said, exchanging a look with Chris. "Well, her loss is our gain."   

✦✦

By the time dinner was over, they were all a little punchdrunk on wine, good company and the Christmas (or Hanukah!) spirit.  Andrew was promising to see Keith and Chris again soon, waving them off when their ride arrived, and they said goodbye until it was just him and Andrew left, doing the dishes. 

"This was probably the most incredible evening I've ever had," Andrew said in that deep voice of his and Steven threw him a smile, "It was pretty incredible, wasn't it?" 

"I mean, people already say I'm an old man as it is, but that's exactly the sort of company I could keep any night of the week," Andrew confessed as he dried the last dish and Steven laughed. "Well, it was great to have you there too, you fit right in," Steven teased back.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should." 

They smiled at each other a moment before Andrew went to grab his coat and Brent's laptop which Steven had set out for him, "How much _Chickenwatch_ did you actually see growing up?"

"Honestly, bits and pieces...I never saw it in chronological order or anything..."

"We should see it together some time! I actually own like, the boxed set," Andrew said, swinging the laptop case over his shoulder and Steven followed him to the door. 

"Wait seriously?"

Andrew's ears turned a little pink, or maybe it was the wine. "Yeah. Christmas gift a few years back." 

"Wow. Then yeah, we definitely should." 

"Great." Andrew leant in and pecked him on the cheek goodbye. "We'll do that then."

"Great" Steven echoed as he opened the door for Andrew but before he really had time to really think about the last kiss, Andrew was leaning in again and his lips were soft against his cheek, and his short beard brushed against his skin just _so._ Andrew lingered long enough for Steven to breathe in his cologne mixed with the wine and he put his hand on Andrew's back, feeling the wool of his coat and the muscles of his lower back but then Andrew pulled back, looking a bit flustered. "Oh, gosh." He winced, "I didn't mean to do that twice and then linger the second time."

"It's okay," Steven said, blushing. It wasn't anything he was going to forget in a hurry. 

"Right, well..." he stepped outside and a gust of wind caught Andrew so that his short blond hair was blowing in all directions, "This weather is officially crazy," Andrew called back at him as he stepped back, and Steven laughed, "Don't blow away!" 

He grinned and waved, and Steven waved back at him, and then Andrew was driving out into the breezy December night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no way I'm going to finish by Christmas so hopefully y'all will still enjoy this anyways lols.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan decides he's willing to take a risk on Shane, and finds out a little more than he bargained for, while Steven gets several interesting calls and a Christmas he hadn't expected.

New York, Steven's New York Apartment, Christmas Eve

✧✧

Ryan hadn't seen Shane in two days, and it was beginning to wear on him. His two-day stubble was beginning to be a bit much, and he'd hardly left the apartment. Why couldn't he take a risk for once in his life? Maybe Brent was right about him.

It was Christmas Eve and Ryan was going to spend it alone if he didn't do something about it.

Ryan took a long bath, shaved, put on some cologne and his nicest shirt and cardigan and got to work. With some Christmas music, a tablecloth and candles he'd found in Steven's closet, the atmosphere was set....even if most of the food was premade, a little presentation went a long way. He fixed his hair one last time in the hall mirror before he stepped out into the hall and went to 7C, and knocked.

A moment later, Shane opened the door, peering around it but not opening it all the way, "Oh. Ryan," he said, sounding surprised. Ryan could hear other sounds coming from inside the apartment, maybe the tv was on?

"Hi. I know what I said the other day, but it was stupid, maybe I've just been too scared of-of whatever this is, whatever it could be..." he stammered at the look on Shane's face, "I mean, why not take a chance? It's Christmas Eve and..." the sounds from behind Shane grew louder and Ryan stopped mid-sentence, a flush creeping up his neck. "You're not alone, are you."

"Uh...no," Shane said, looking a bit remorseful, and Ryan felt like kicking himself.

"No, no, I mean, of course you're not, it's Christmas eve and..." he blinked, pretending not to be as mortified as he was at putting himself out there, Jesus Christ he was pathetic, "Totally, like, it's fine."

He saw Shane start to open the door a bit more to chase after him, "Ryan-" but then the door was pushed all the way open by little hands, and Ryan found himself looking at an eleven-or-so year old kid. "Uh..."

"Who's that?" the kid asked, taking off his over-the-ear headphones with what looked like the latest DS in his hands, and Ryan blinked at him. 

"This is Ryan, he's...staying next door for Christmas," Shane said, looking awkward.

"What's he want?" the boy asked again and Shane whipped around at him, "Hey, manners, Finn."

_Finn?_

Suddenly another head peered out from around Shane's long legs, a little girl about four or five years old with very curly hair, and Ryan's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he took her, the boy and Shane in, all looking back at him with huge brown eyes.

"I uh, I was going to invite you all over for dinner tonight," he said, trying to readjust whatever assumptions he'd made about Shane, and feigning a smile, "I mean, if you haven't eaten already."

"Oh," Shane said, "Uh, that's o-"

"Okay," Finn said, "We were just going to have chicken nuggets again, because he thinks I'm still a child."

Shane sputtered, "Hey, you are a child, and chicken nuggets are great."

"Let's go, daddy," the little girl said, wrapping her hand around Shane's finger, and he watched a flush creep up Ryan's neck,  "Daddy?" he echoed faintly and he saw Shane flush back, but he didn't back down. "Yes, that's me." Shane licked his lips then put a hand on the little girl's head, "This is my...Shanna." 

"Daddy, let's goooo..." Shanna whined, pulling harder.

"Alright, I mean, if Ryan doesn't mind.."

"He just invited us, why would he mind," Finn said, and Shane's mouth did an unhappy little twist but he didn't say anything, "Fine, alright, Christmas Eve at Mr. Bergara's.

"Yay!" the little girl said and she ran ahead, dragging a doll behind her, with Finn chasing after her, "Wait up, Shanna..."

Shane started to leave his apartment but Ryan blocked him with one hand against his chest, "If you're married you better tell me now."

"I'm not married," Shane said with a swallow.

"Great," Ryan said back, "Then dinner's almost ready."

Inside Steven's apartment the romantic atmosphere immediately seemed ridiculous with the scrutiny of an eleven-year old at their table, frowning at the candles, the wine and the two place settings, "Are you trying to _date_ Shane?" Finn asked, looking grossed-out at the thought, and Ryan thought his face was going to spontaneously combust in embarrassment. "I-uh..." but Shane came to his rescue, "Finn, stop being an ass-"

"Make me."

"I'll take away your DS privileges."

"You can't do that!"

"You want to try me?" Shane asked, and a staredown between the two began.

"I'm going to put the tv on," Ryan said, trying to ease the tension. "Finn, why don't you find something for you and Shanna to watch while we finish dinner?" he offered, giving him the remote, and he huffed and sat, while Shanna climbed eagerly on the couch. "Disney!" "Ugh."  

Ryan then guided Shane back into the kitchen, stomach churning a bit at the way Shane was looking at him with his jaw on edge. 

"Kids at that age," Ryan offered awkwardly as he took out two extra plates and Shane smiled thinly at him.  

"How old is Finn?" he asked and Shane hummed, "He's turning twelve in January." 

"Wow, that's...you must've had him at a young age, or else you're a fu-" he stumbled over the curse word, knowing Shanna wasn't entirely out of earshot, "-freaking vampire." 

Shane laughed but there was still an edge to it that kept Ryan from feeling at ease. "Of course you'd immediately go to _vampire-_ but, no, Christ, Finn isn't my _son_."

_"What?"_

"He's my kid brother." 

 Ryan blinked, "Oh. But-"

"Shanna's my daughter, I know, it's complicated.." 

"But how- _how-_ "

"Well, Ryan, when a man and a woman love each other very much-" 

"Jesus, a woman-"

Shane's sardonic nature finally flipped on it's head and Shane snapped at him, "Yes, Ryan, a _woman._ I'm bisexual, is that too much for you?"

"Shane-"

"And before you think I'm cheating, how do you feel about dating a widower? Can you handle that? When was I supposed to let out that little chestnut? Was that when we were getting Chipotle or when you told me you were going home in a week?  And okay, yes, I have partial custody of my daughter and my kid brother, my life is fucking complicated, I tried to tell you-are you happy now?" 

Sometime between the part where he began that sentence, and when he had ended it, Shane had towered over him and Ryan had found himself against the counter blinking back frustrated tears. "I wasn't..." he swallowed, "I wasn't accusing you."

"Yes, you _were_ -" Shane threw back getting closer and Ryan flinched and something in Shane's cloudy expression changed. 

"I'm sorry." Ryan swallowed, "I didn't know all that, you're right.." 

The anger in Shane's posture faded, his face smoothing over as he scanned Ryan's face, "Ryan-"

"No, you know what, I just need a minute," he started to leave the room and Shane grabbed his wrist, "Ryan, I'm so sorry." 

Ryan looked back at him, waiting, even as tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. 

"I lashed out at you, I didn't even give you a chance-"

"No, you didn't." 

Shan swallowed. "You invited me and my family into your home without knowing any of that and I just...I fucked it up, I'm sorry. If you want me to go, I'll-"

Ryan shook his head, wiping the few tears that had spilled over out of his eyes, "I don't want you to go," he said wetly and Shane hovered awkwardly over him before he pulled Ryan into a hug. "I'm sorry," Shane whispered into his ear, and Ryan wrapped his arms around Shane's lithe waist, burrowing his face into his chest. "I forgive you," he sniffed. They held each other for a long moment before Shane muttered, "You smell good," in a quiet voice and Ryan let out a watery laugh, smiling against Shane's chest, "Thanks." 

"What can I do to make it up to you?" Shane asked when they pulled apart, looking small for his 6'4 frame, and Ryan gave him a rueful look: "Maybe check to see that the pizza isn't burnt?" 

"Oh shit, you made pizza?"

"I mean, not from scratch," Ryan said with a small smile. "Still, who doesn't like pizza?" 

"Yeah, I think we'll need to make another one since we're feeding four-" "That's a good idea." "Get another one from the freezer?" "Okay." 

 By the time they'd finished making the pizzas and set the salad on the table the tension had mostly dissipated, though Shane couldn't seem to keep from touching Ryan whenever he could, with a hand on his shoulder, or brushing against him whenever he could, obviously still feeling bad for snapping at him earlier.

"Sara and I...it's been two years since the accident," he offered abruptly, "I have kind of a deal going on with my parents, I take care of Finn and Shanna half the time, they get em the rest of the time. I haven't dated anyone since then, really." 

"I'm so sorry," Ryan said softly but Shane shook his head, "It's been rough, I'm not going to lie to you, but it's not your fault. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I should have said something I just...I thought it'd be easier if I was just...a normal single guy and not someone who fucking... buys tutus on the weekends and goes to teacher's meetings more often than dates." 

 "Shane, it's okay-I can understand...I've been a bit of a raw wire myself lately."

Shane offered him a sympathetic smile, "Of course."

"Look, we're...in a weird spot, but let's just...have dinner and take this one step at a time, okay?"

Shane leant in and kissed him on the cheek, "Okay." 

 ✧✧

Dinner went better than expected, considering the way that Finn kept looking at him. Ryan suspected he must've heard some of their conversation, but couldn't be sure. 

"I don't like this," Shanna whined, and Shane gave her a look, "Those are just pepperonis, honey."

"Pepperoni?"

"Yeah, it's good, see?" he took a comically large bite, patting at his stomach, "Mmm, pepperoni." 

She scrunched her nose at him before taking the tiniest of bites to see. "Oh," she said, looking at her dad and then Ryan in turn with big eyes, "It is good." 

"See?" Shane said with a wide grin, and they watched her eagerly tuck into her food and Ryan felt his heart soften towards them. 

"Did you find anything good on tv, Finn?" Ryan asked, hoping to invite him into the conversation. "Ehh," Finn said back, not really looking at him. 

"You know what would be fun, would be finding a good Christmas movie." "Ooo..." Shane said, exchanging a wide-eyed look with his daughter, "Christmas movies are fun, huh?" "Yeah!" she agreed. 

"You can pick one on Netflix if you want after dinner, Finn," Ryan offered, and he saw Finn give a shrug, "Okay." 

They cleared the table fairly quickly after that, with Shane on popcorn duty, they ended up together on the couch watching The Grinch, with Shanna on Shane's lap with Ryan sat next to them with Finn in the armchair closest to the tv.  For half of the movie Shanna kept leaning over Shane to look at at Ryan until she climbed on his lap, blocking his view as she looked at him, "You smell good," she said, and Ryan couldn't help but laugh, "Oh, um, thank you." "Daddy smells good sometimes, when he's going out or to work," she went on and Ryan turned to see Shane looking mildly apprehensive next to him, "Oh yeah? I think he smells pretty good to me."

"Gross," Finn said from his chair, and he turned the volume up with the remote as Ryan tried to hide his snickers. "Alright, Shanna, that's enough, come back over here-" Shane tried but she looped her arms around Ryan's neck, "Wait, I want to...look at him..." "You can look at him from over here, you didn't ask-"

"It's okay," Ryan offered, "I mean, if you're okay with it-"

"-no, no, I'm not upset about, like...if you don't mind..."

"I"m fine."

"....okay." 

Shanna was touching his face too with her little fingers, poking at his nose, his lips and his cheek. "He's very handsome," she decided finally, and Shane covered his face with one hand while Ryan laughed. She touched the little swoop of his gelled hair and added, "He's like a prince from a movie." 

Ryan felt his heart melt a little further, "That's probably the sweetest thing anyones ever told me, thank you."

"You're welcome." 

And with that she was climbing back onto Shane's lap. At some point during this they had ended up sitting so close their thighs were touching, and Ryan's hand was touching the one that wasn't currently wrapped around Shanna who had fallen asleep. 

By the end of the film Ryan and Shane were holding hands, and when Shane carried her out with Finn trailing behind him he promised, "I'm going to put her to bed but I'll be right out," and a few minutes later they were alone in the apartment hall. 

"That went better than expected," Shane said, folding his arms as he leaned against the wall. "Yeah?" Ryan asked softly. "I think they both really liked you. Well, Finn in his own way seemed to warm up a bit. He takes a bit more love and affection...mostly in the form of video games." 

"Sounds like my brother," Ryan laughed, and Shane smiled. A moment passed between them before Shane went on, "When they're with my parents I get to be the Shane you met. I can't really...be that the rest of the time, and maybe what I'm really afraid of is inviting someone into that," he confessed, gesturing at his doorway with his thumb, "It's not always pretty...and I thought it would be hard, meeting someone they might never see again." 

Ryan blinked, "Right, I...." he swallowed, "Right. Because I'm just someone you had sex with once and slept with twice." 

Shane gave him a look, pressing off the wall and stepping towards him, "Wait, wait, I thought I was just the person you had sex with once and slept with twice?"

Ryan scrubbed a hand over his face, "Oh man." Instead of escalating things back into an argument, his voice got small, "This just went way past complicated."  

"Right," Shane breathed softly. "I'm just a book-editor from New York, and you're a..." he looked Ryan over, "gorgeous tv producer and film editor from LA. We're worlds apart." 

Ryan bit his lip, looking down, but Shane took a breath, "I have a mini-van in New York, how's that for unrelatable?" "You have a mini-van?" Ryan wheezed, "Yeah," Shane laughed, and Ryan just smiled back at him. 

They were both on either side of the hallway, maybe six feet apart at most, but as they both reflected on the upcoming week leading up to Ryan's departure it might as well have been miles that divided them. 

"Yeah," Ryan said again quietly, "That's pretty out there." 

* * *

 Los Angeles, Ryan's LA Home, Christmas Eve

✦✦

It was Christmas Eve and Steven was doing water aerobics with Keith in his pool. Keith was improving a lot, but it was hard for him, as much on his pride as his older body. 

Okay. Maybe they should rewind a little bit. 

The day after the dinner party, Steven had been over at Keith's and found a letter from The Food Network offering to throw him a Lifetime Achievement Award party on December 28th. But despite all of Keith's boasting and playfulness about his accomplishments, Steven was surprised to find out that Keith very much did not want to go.

"What, you want me to show up and cross a stage to get some award on a walker with the seven or eight people that actually show up in the audience?" Keith had asked, "No thanks." 

"Keith!" Steven had exclaimed in surprise, "Don't be ridiculous. You met Andrew, there are going to be lots of fans who'd love to come see you. I'm sure with a little exercise we could get you walking without that walker anyway....and if we did I could go with you." 

"As my date?" Keith asked, wiggling his eyebrows and Steven laughed, "Yeah, of course. I'll rent a tux and everything." 

"Awh, I'd be honored to go with you, but...how on earth could I find an exercise that'd help me be strong enough to go?"

Aside from the water aerobics, Steven would have Keith follow him around the first floor of his house, moving the walker just out of his reach so that he could give it to him quickly if it seemed like Keith was going to fall. 

It was nice to have friends, and a goal like this. Steven hadn't even thought about Adam in the past few days with how busy he'd been with Keith and relaxing in LA. It was glorious.

✦✦

On Christmas, Steven had only just woken up when he received a call, "Are you ever coming back to New York?"

"Ha, I was wondering if I was going to hear from you," Steven said with a grin into his receiver and he heard his neighbor laugh. 

"Yeah? Oh, and Merry Christmas." 

"Merry Christmas." 

"Have you all opened presents and everything?" 

"Yup. The kids are happy with their new toys and video games. Minimal fighting. Glorious." 

"Awesome." 

"How are you?" Shane asked. 

"I'm good, good. Actually...I met a man."

"Oh, _really?"_

"Yeah, he's in the business, intelligent, funny, too bad he's about ninety years old..."

Shane wheezed from the other end, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, he's my neighbor-Oh! Speaking of, you should meet Ryan! He's the guy in my apartment right now." 

There was a pause from the other end, "Um....yeah. We've met." 

Just at that moment a call was coming through, "Oh wait, Shane, sorry, someone's calling through I'll put you on hold-"

He pressed a button and then there was another voice, "Hi! It's Ryan."

"Oh! Hi Ryan," Steven said leaning back on the bed, "How's your Christmas going?" 

"Not bad! Not much going on, but it's been relaxing..."

"Same here," Steven agreed, stretching, "Actually can you hold on a minute? I'm on the phone with my friend Shane-"

"Shane?" 

"Oh, yeah he said you two met."

"...yeah. How is he?"

"Fine, I think. Um, can you hold?'

"Sure."

Steven pressed the other button and Shane came back on the line, "Sorry, that was Ryan!"

"How'd he sound? How's he doing?" 

Steven laughed, "He just asked me how you are!" 

"And what'd you say?" 

"I asked him to hold..." Steven said, an odd inclination beginning to stir within him. No, he was just being paranoid. "Sorry, can I call you back?"

"I can hold while you speak with him," Shane said quickly.

"...really?"

"Find out how he is." 

Steven pressed the button, "Um. Shane wants to know how you are."

"Good. I'm just taking a walk, going to get some takeout that's open today. Gonna find a place that does enchiladas. What's he up to? Did he say?"

"....uh...I'm not sure. Do you want me to ask him?" Steven asked in a forced pleasant voice. 

"Sure!" 

"Great." The moment he pushed the button again, he pressed the phone to his ear and exclaimed, "I can't believe you've had sex with the man who's been staying in my loft!" 

There was a loud gasp, and then Ryan's voice came back on the line, "He told you that?"

Steven's eyes widened and he fell back onto the bed, mortified, "Oh my god!" 

"Oh my god!" Ryan echoed back and Steven swallowed, "I thought I was talking to Shane! Can you just hold please? I'm so sorry.." 

He pushed the button again, "I cannot believe you've had sex with Ryan! The first thing Ryan asked was if there were any gay men in the area and I assured him there were not and you had to go and get into his pants?!" 

There was a long pause and then "....it's still me," came Ryan's voice and Steven turned red. "Oh my god," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I must've lost him." His phone beeped and he looked down to see another number calling through, "Um...can I call you back?"

Ryan's voice was overly chipper as he said, "Sure."

And Steven offered a meager, "Okay, bye," and he took the call.

"Yes, hello," he said exasperatedly and there was a pause before he heard Andrew's low voice on the other line, "Um, am I in trouble?" "Oh gosh, no. Hi, um, hey."

He heard Andrew laugh, "Hi. What are you up to this Christmas?" 

"Nothing. Was probably just going to binge watch something on Netflix." 

"I could always bring over the _Chickenwatch_ collection if that was something you'd be interested in." 

"Wait seriously?" 

"I'm always serious about _Chickenwatch,_ " Andrew deadpanned and Steven found himself giggling. "Okay, okay. Well, that sounds perfect." 

✦✦

Andrew didn't just bring the dvds but a picnic basket of food. "I had my Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve with my parents. I hope you don't mind leftovers?" "Are you serious? Of course not." "Great." 

They heated everything up in the oven and ended up on the couch together, eating some seriously good turkey, potatoes and green beans and drinking the Coke Steven had in his fridge. "This is really good," Steven said for about the sixth time, and even though Andrew waved a hand to get him to stop he could tell he was pleased. He'd even Instagram'd it, and while Andrew had laughed over his shoulder, he did peek every so often to see all the likes the post was getting. 

Andrew was a huge fan of Chickenwatch, it turned out, and his comments made everything better. "You know I tried to make this dish when I was a kid? Almost burned the place down." "You're kidding!" "I wish I was." 

"Oo look almost eight hundred likes in half an hour..." Steven said and he saw Andrew's eyebrows knit together. "Jesus that's a lot." 

"You know, if you had an Insta more people would come to your restaurant." "Really." "Yeah, of course." "Ugh, I don't know. It's not really my thing..."

"I could help you set up one if you want." 

And that's how they ended up pressed close together over Andrew's phone, with Steven helping him add his first photo, then followed all of his friends in his contacts (including him!) and some other famous chefs/food blogs. 

"See! Now you just...scroll through." 

Andrew had a small frown of concentration of his face at first, but after a while he looked like he wasn't having the worst of times after all. 

"That looks pretty good," he would say now and then about a person's picture of their Christmas dinner and Steven would laugh and say, "Then 'like' it!"

"How do you do that again?" "Double tap-like this." Their thumbs brushed as Steven showed him, and Andrew smiled up at him, "Oh yeah." 

Amidst all of the food pictures though were selfies, landscapes of snow and buildings, and lots of family photos. 

"Oo look, Ashly and her friend," Steven said, and he smiled as they clicked on her profile. There was a picture of the two girls skiing, then in front of a tree together, and the most recent one was them in front of a fireplace, their foreheads together, their hands outstretched towards the camera. On Ashly's hand was the unmistakable diamond of an engagement ring. 

It was like witnessing a crash without being able to stop it. "Uh-" Steven made to click out of that photo but Andrew took his phone out of his hands and was looking at it, scrolling down to the caption, reading it out loud, "'Two years together, here's to many more?' What the _fuck?"_  

Steven felt his heart drop into his stomach. "Andrew, I-" 

"She was gay all along, they were dating, what the fuck?" 

"Well, you didn't know she was gay-" 

Andrew dropped his phone and fell back against the couch, squishing into it and covering his face with his hands, "Why do I do this to myself?" he groaned, "God, why do I always fall for someone who I should know isn't even, like, remotely available?" 

Steven bit his lip. Jesus did he ever have experience in this department. "I happen to know the answer to this. Because you're hoping you're wrong. And everytime she does something that reminds you she might not be interested in you, or even your gender, you ignore it. Every time you're together, all you can think about is how good you could be together, and she wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that she's not the one for you." 

Andrew had taken his hands off his face by now and was looking at Steven with his big green eyes, "Exactly. And on top of that, there's the old standby: I can't believe someone like that would be with someone like me."

Steven swallowed. Now that he knew especially well, glancing furtively at Andrew in this moment. 

"Look, I don't want to ruin your Christmas. I should probably go-" 

"It's okay," Steven interrupted quickly. "I like the company." 

Andrew looked at him, unspeaking until Steven asked, "Would you like a drink or something?" 

"....sure, I guess." 

Steven hesitated, "Look I know how bad 'I know how you feel' sounds, but...the truth is that I do. The truth is that I was in love with one of my co-workers back in New York, and I thought something could happen but the truth is that he's straight and...and he got engaged just before I left and..." Steven felt a lump in his throat, and tried to press that feeling away, "So when I say I know how pathetic and insignificant you feel right now, and how it can hurt in places you didn't know you even had inside of you, I mean it." 

He pressed his head back against the back of the couch next to Andrew and sighed up at the ceiling, "It doesn't matter how many glasses of wine you have or how much binge-watching or depression-napping you do, you'll still go to bed wondering how you could've read things so wrong, and overthinking all of the signs you thought he was giving you all this time.. or how the hell you could think you were that happy, and you'll still think he'll suddenly have this revelation and show up at your door...." he sniffed, "And yet, after all that, however long 'all that' may be...you'll....go somewhere new, and meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back, and you'll begin to feel like yourself again." 

When he finally looked back over at Andrew he saw a sweet, sad expression on his face. "Well, fuck," he said. "That's what you're doing here? Getting over somebody?" 

"Yeah." Steven smiled weakly, "This is me in good shape." 

"Is this the guy whose articles you were helping with?" 

Steven looked at him in surprise that he remembered. "...yeah. He needs me." 

"Hmm. So he stays in touch?"

"...all the time."

"Which is great for him and sucks for you, because it ensures you can't forget him." 

"I know," Steven said with a sheepish grin. "See? Your life isn't look so bad is it?" 

Andrew laughed before nodding, looking like he'd decided something. "Okay." He stood up and offered Steven his hand, which he took, "Okay, we're going to go make some boozy Christmas hot chocolate and sit out on the porch and just...celebrate being young and alive, maybe watch a little more of the show after if you want. You with me?"

Steven smiled at him feeling tears prick at his eyes, and before he could help himself he pulled Andrew into a warm hug, pressing his chin over his shoulder as he gave him a tight squeeze. "You really are a good man, Andrew." 

"I know," Andrew sighed, giving him a little squeeze back. "It's always been my problem." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas !
> 
> (Sara Im sorry I killed you off bb. ...also I have no idea if Shane is older than Finn or vice versa but *wriggles fingers* artistic license...)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Ryan are running out of time before he leaves and trying to figure out exactly what that means for them, and in the meantime Steven and Andrew get a phone call that might change the trajectory of their affections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hey everyone! Please notice the rating change! It's only a couple lines but a bit more graphic than before)

New York, Steven's New York Apartment, 48 Hours before Ryan flies home 

✧✧

It was hard to stay apart from Shane after that, but as it turned out, he didn't have to try.

Christmas came and went without a sign of him (Ryan could assume that they'd all gone to Shane's parents' that afternoon since he never heard from him aside from that awkward phone call with Steven), and Ryan had ended up eating way too many enchiladas by himself in front of the tv where he had a horror marathon followed by some very strange enchilada-fueled nightmares after he went to sleep.

He spent most of the 28th out so he couldn't sit inside looking longingly at the door all day, and mostly enjoyed himself as he went to see the Statue of Liberty on a ferry, even if he kept checking his phone for text messages that never came. He was leaving tomorrow, he told himself, this was ridiculous. So by the time evening had rolled around, after Ryan had treated himself to a long luxurious shower (it was fucking cold in New York, and that much colder over the water in a fucking boat) and he heard a knock at the door and thrown open the door to see Shane waiting to see him he didn't exactly mess around.

Ryan had grabbed one of Steven's robes which was a little too large for him before he'd answered the door, and Shane's earnest, hungry eyes went from his face, to his neck, to the patch of skin that was showing from under his robe, and Ryan couldn't take it anymore. He all but threw himself at the taller man, resulting in Shane carrying him back into the bedroom and putting Steven's bedsprings to a rather rigorous, _thorough_ test.

By the time Shane had rolled off of him with both of them panting with exertion, the previous doubts had already begun to trickle back into their minds. 

"God, you're just..." Shane took in a breath, "Really great." There was a pause. "Fuck." 

He turned on his side, and Ryan did the same so they were curled in towards one another, their fingertips touching, "You must have to fly out here for work though all the time, right?"

Ryan bit his lip and shook his head, "Honestly, I've rarely been needed outside of my own studio. I only really come here for events." 

Shane ran a hand through his mussed hair and Ryan felt something twinge within him, then Shane pressed his head onto his hand, leaning on his shoulder and looking over at him, "Long distance-relationships can work, though, can't they?" 

Ryan smiled sadly, "I could't seem to make one last with the man I was living in the same house with." 

Shane's mouth quirked, "So this could be a good solution for you!" and Ryan laughed despite himself. 

He couldn't help his brain from going into over-drive as much as he wanted it to, the endorphins that had flooded it were slowly trickling out. He sat up, the bedsheet pooling at his waist. 

"Okay, so. Let's just say we make this work. We commit to flying back as much as we can."

"Yes!" Shane was quick to agree, "That's doable, definitely." 

But Ryan couldn't let it drop, "But then let's say...in six months we hit a wall. Like, I can't constantly keep leaving work, and the kids can't deal with you being away so often, and then we start to deal with the tension of that, so we know it's not going to work, so then we start fighting because...because we don't know what else to do, and after a long tearful phone-call, from my end probably-" "Gee, thanks." "-we say goodbye, and that'll be it. Because it's not going to be like we'll ever bump into each other or anything, and then...and then what's left? Two miserable people who totally mashed up and got hurt." 

Shane was looking at him, pretty and shirtless and downcast in the lamplight, and Ryan swallowed the guilt his words had bubbled up, "Or..." Shane sat up eagerly, kissing him with a muttered "thank you" but it didn't make that feeling go away. 

"Or," he said softly, "We just realize that what we've had these couple of weeks has been perfect, and...and maybe it won't get any better than this...and maybe we're trying to figure this thing out because it feels so good to feel this way but maybe the fact that I'm leaving in eight hours makes this far more exciting than this actually is." 

Shane stared at him for a long quiet moment then drawled out, "You're seriously the most depressing boy I've ever met." 

"Fuck, I know," Ryan groaned, and he fell back onto the mattress with a gentle plop. 

But Shane was still somewhat hovering over him, and he looked almost nervous about whatever he was going to say. "I have another scenario for you."

"Good," Ryan sighed, allowing himself to feel a thread of hope. 

"I'm in love with you." 

Ryan stared, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Shane didn't crack a smile. He looked as serious as Ryan had ever seen him, almost regretfully so. "I'm sorry for how..straightforward that is, but as...problematic as this...as this fact may be, I am in love. With you." 

Shane ran a hand through his hair again, but he didn't look away, "And I'm not saying this just because you're about to leave in eight hours, or because it feels good to feel this way-which, by the way, it _does_ -" he swallowed, "or it _did,_ before you went off like that. I...I can't figure out the mathematics of this, of how it's going to work, I just know that I love you." 

To his surprise, Shane blushed, "I can't believe how much I'm saying it...I just...I never thought I'd feel this way about another person again, so that's pretty phenomenal." 

Ryan couldn't speak, and Shane seemed to be swept up in some emotion, and Ryan might have seen tears glisten in Shane's eyes but it was hard to tell in this light. "I know I...I come as a sort of package deal, three for the price of one, it's not what you were looking for, I'm sure...but I finally know what I want, and that in itself is...basically a miracle." 

He leant in, looking imploringly at him with his big brown eyes and his goofy beautiful face, and said in a soft, gentle voice, "And what I want...is you."

It should have been a happy moment, something to relieve stress and not add on more, but Ryan couldn't help but think back to that last argument he'd had with Brent: 

        _"Just admit that you never really loved me and be done with it" he had said, leading Brent out of the house and Brent had looked at him without an ounce of love in his eyes and thrown back "You drove the relationship to this point. You fuck up, it's what you do._ " 

Ryan knew it was his turn to speak, but he felt frozen, "I..wasn't expecting 'I love you'." 

Shane blinked, something shuttering in his expression, and Ryan felt something lurch in his chest, "Please don't look at me like that," he said, reaching for Shane's hand, "I'm trying to think of the right thing to say." 

Shane gently but firmly took his hand out of Ryan's, "I think if the answer isn't immediately obvious to you...maybe we should just..." he laid himself back, closing his eyes, "Talk about something else..." an embarrassed flush was creeping up his chest, "...like maybe what a gigantic ass I made of myself." 

Ryan leant over him, framing Shane's face with his hands, "Shane."

His eyes flickered open and he smiled grimly up at Ryan, "I do remember you promising me you wouldn't fall in love with me...maybe I should've paid better attention." 

"Shane, you're the only person I know who talks as much as I do," he said with a smile that was almost touching Shane's unhappy mouth, "But maybe you could just...be quiet for a while?" 

The kiss they shared was passionate and bittersweet, and Ryan straddled Shane's waist. Shane's grip on his hips was firmer than it was before, to the point where it could leave indents of Shane's finger prints or hold him there, in New York and make him stay, and it wasn't long before he knew they could go again. 

Their recent love-making had left Ryan loose and Shane slipped back in with little effort, gasping as as Ryan began to move. After a minute of this Shane decided to take over, and flipped them, pulling Ryan's legs over his shoulders, and he fucked him into the early hours of the morning. 

* * *

Los Angeles, Ryan's Los Angeles Home, 48 Hours before Steven flies home 

✦✦

Steven and Andrew had spent the last few days together getting ready for Keith's award ceremony. They'd gone to a tailor with him (and rented tuxes of their own), and continued the exercise regime, and ending up at Steven's to marathon _Chickenwatch_ every night until finally the day had arrived.

It was just the two of them that afternoon and they were eating at Keith's favorite restaurant that he'd brought Steven to that first day for lunch, eagerly anticipating that evening. 

"Can you believe what a genius these guys were?" Andrew was saying for maybe a third time, he was leaning back in his chair, his hand around the back of Steven's as he pulled back. "Like, can you fathom the audience they had at that time? It was-" his hand slipped, down Steven's back as he almost fell, and his hand grazed against Steven's butt. "Um," he blinked as he pulled his hand back, "That was an accidental ass graze." He held his hands in front of him, "accidental ass graze everyone, excuse me," he said in a faux announcement, while Steven turned pink, laughing like he hadn't in ages.

 "Pardon." 

"You're alright," Steven laughed and Andrew grinned at him before his phone went off and he reached into his pocket, taking it out and his smile faded. "Who's that?" Steven asked, but he already knew.

"Ashly," Andrew said, looking distracted, "Um. Sorry." 

He answered the call, pressing it to his ear while Steven tried his best not to look like he was listening in, "Hey." Andrew sounded tense, "I'm alright, how are you?"

Steven sipped at his lemonade as Andrew cut his eyes at him "Um. Actually, I'm kind of busy right now-....how soon could you meet up? Um. Alright. Okay. I'll see you in like," Andrew was looking at him again, "half an hour? Probably a little after that. Okay, alright. Bye." 

The air was awkward as Andrew turned to him, "Um. She misses me." Steven forced a smile, "See? She figured out what she was missing." Neither of them voiced out loud any of the other possibilities. 

"Look, I can get the bill this time, why don't you go meet her?" he offered and Andrew hesitated. "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll see you tonight for the ceremony." Something in Andrew's gaze gave him pause. "That is, of course, if you can still make it?"

Andrew offered a weak smile, "I gotta get all the way to like, Forest Home, but I'll try to make it."  

Steven swallowed bitter disappointment, not voicing how he was going home soon and that this was what they had been working towards since they'd met. "Yeah, of course." 

 "Anyway, my restaurant is catering, remember?" Andrew reminded him, trying to get him to smile, "I want to be there." 

"Yeah, of course," Steven said softly, "Don't worry about it." 

Andrew stood, leaning over to kiss Steven on the forehead, "Thank you." 

Steven's smile was a bit more genuine as he said, "Good luck," and watched him go. Just because he couldn't have love didn't mean he could deny Andrew from trying to find it. 

✦✦

The Santa Ana's were still blowing like crazy when Steven got back to Ryan's place, and he couldn't help but be reminded of what Andrew had told him about the wind's meaning that first day they'd met: that anything was possible. 

It certainly didn't feel like anything was possible to Steven as he leant back with his laptop, preparing to revise the latest article Adam had sent him, but he supposed he shouldn't complain. There were worse problems he could have.

He was just about to make his first edit when his phone rang.

"Hello?" he asked, expecting Andrew, and he was caught off guard by Adam's voice. "Hey, have you had a chance to look at that thing I sent you yet?"

"Oh, I was just looking at it now."

"Great. Actually, I've also sent you a surprise, as a sort of thank you for all of this."

"What? What kind of surprise?"

"Are you sure it hasn't arrived already?"

Steven set his laptop aside, beginning to go downstairs. "No, I didn't see a box or anything when I came in...but I'll have another look." 

Cradling the phone between his head and his shoulder, Steven opened the door, almost dropping his phone in his surprise at seeing Adam Bianchi standing on his doorstep, holding a gift in his hands. "Found your Christmas present," he said in his soft, wry voice, and Steven's mouth went dry.

"Come on in," he somehow must've said because then Adam was admiring Ryan's impressive house while Steven fumbled with a wine-opener, trying to be an adult and pour them some drinks. 

There was something jarring about seeing Adam in this place that he had so separated from home and New York and just... _Adam,_ that it felt like a dream. 

"This place suits you," Adam said, leaning against the counter next to Steven, and Steven let out a nervous laugh, "Yeah, right." "No, really," Adam said with a smirk, "You've always been a fancy boy." Steven smiled at the wine, but he still hadn't really looked up since he'd opened the door, busying himself in this task, until Adam finally said, "You are going to look at me eventually, right?" 

Steven swallowed, and finally, finally their eyes met. Adam looked as good as he always did, and Steven couldn't lie. It hurt to look at him.

"There we go," Adam said, and he was in front of him smiling, "I've missed you." 

"Adam," Steven said in a wavering voice, "I don't think you understand how confusing this is for me right now." 

"What do you mean?" Adam asked, tilting his head, "All I know is that I've hated it since you've left, and I've never checked my email more...I just...I've been afraid of losing you." 

"Losing me?" Steven asked in a small voice. 

"C'mere," Adam said, opening his arms, and beckoning him in. Steven hesitated, but the look on Adam's face was so sincere. 

The wind rattled against the windows outside as Steven stepped into the warmth of Adam's embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short update but I wanted to split the last two chapters! Remember kiddos, it's always darkest before the dawn. 
> 
> (I may add on a third extra chapter that goes beyond the movie plot, we shall see).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost time for the boys to fly back home but there's still parties to attend and DTR moments to have...time is running out so they'd better act fast!

Los Angeles, 24 hours before takeoff, Ryan Bergara's LA Home 

✦✦

Adam was sprawled against the couch in Ryan's living room, head resting against one end, with his feet at the other, but he wasn't alone. Steven was curled up against his side, and they were covered by a blanket.

Cuddling with Adam was everything he'd hoped it would be, his chest was broad and warm beneath his shirt, he smelled great, and when Steven looked at him his beard brushed against his face in a way that slightly tickled. He felt that tickling feeling just under his skin like quiet nerves thrumming with anticipation and uncertainty. It was like hugging a cloud, something sweet you thought might fade from under your fingertips if you looked too closely.

Steven had his chin resting on his hand as he looked at him, but Adam looked as relaxed as could be. "You know I was thinking when we go back to New York it'd be fun to drive up to Niagara Falls sometime."

"Niagara Falls?" Steven echoed.

"Yeah, you and me, it'd be fun."

Steven felt his heart clench, "Do you mean that? I mean...are you free to do that?"

Adam tilted his head again, "What do you mean, Stevie? I've traveled to the other side of the country to see you, haven't I?"

Steven swallowed and closed his eyes. He felt Adam's hand on the back of his neck, and he was pulled in until he could feel Adam's breath against his mouth-  
"You know, that doesn't exactly answer my question," he managed to say, even with his heart hammering in his chest.

Adam was looking at him with a blank face, but Steven forced himself to keep going, "Are you...are you not with Rie anymore? is that what you've come to tell me?"

Adam sighed, as though that was an unreasonable question. "I wish you could just accept knowing how confused I am about all this."

Wait, what?

Steven sat up a bit further now, blinking as he tried to put as much space between him and Adam so he could actually think. 

"Okay, let me try to translate that....what you're saying is...you're still engaged?" 

Adam looked at him for a long moment before finally answering: "....Yes." 

"Oh my god-"  
"But, I mean-"

"Oh my god," Steven said again and he scrambled to get off the couch, running his hands through his spiky silver hair. "That was a really close call."

They'd cuddled but they hadn't really done anything, Adam was still wearing his shoes for Christ's sake.

Adam was sitting up on the couch now, blinking at him from behind his fashionable glasses.

"God, Keith was right about us. You aren't right for me, that was so obvious..." Steven was saying to himself.

"You can't mean that-" Adam interrupted him, but Steven whirled on him, "Actually, I do!" He looked at Adam and for once didn't feel like shying away, "The great thing is that I actually do. And I may be three years late in telling you this, but Adam." He steeled himself, "Adam, you have never treated me right. There's some part inside of you that knows I've always b-been in love with you and you've used that to your advantage." "-Stevie..." "-ever!" Steven felt himself get mad, instead of scared or sad and it was such a freeing feeling that he let it course through him, "You broke my heart, Adam, and you've pretended not to notice even though everyone else in the office knew. You're not that stupid."

There were tears again in his eyes but after all of this time the rush that came with finally telling the truth propelled him on: "I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I punished myself! For years!" 

Adam was beginning to stand up to approach him but Steven wasn't finished, "You can't just come marching in on my Christmas vacation when I'm trying to get over you like you had no idea that that's what I was trying to do and hug me and-and-and say you're afraid of losing me and that we'll go to Niagara Falls together like..like you're not about to get married!" Tears were streaming down his face, "....somehow that...that entitles me to say..." he took a shuddering breath, "...this is over." He gestured between them, "this, this...toxic thing, whatever it is? It's done. It's finally finished!" Incredibly, through his rage and his tears, Steven felt himself smiling, "I'm miraculously done being in love with you!" 

Adam took another, cautious step towards him, "Steven..." but Steven had already grabbed Adam's discarded coat and was bringing it towards the door, opening it for him, "Anyways, I have an important event tonight, and you just need to get the hell out," he said cheerily. 

"Steven," Adam said, staring at him, but Steven pointed firmly at the door, and Adam stepped out, "What has gotten into you?" 

"I don't know," Steven confessed, smiling almost sadly at Adam's bewildered face, "But I think I'm finally ready to start living my life again." 

He put Adam's coat in his hands and said, "And I don't think you can be a part of it."

Steven shut the door on his face, threw his arms in the air and shouted at the ceiling, triumphant. 

He was free.

✦✦

Wearing his new navy suit, Steven raced up the stairs to Keith's house to meet him, and was surprised to find Keith waiting by the door. He looked sharp in his new checkered blue suit with a knit tie and tie pin, "How do I look?" Keith teased him, turning to show off the cut of the suit and Steven whistled lowly, "You're looking snazzy, Keith, looking ready to take on the world." 

Keith grinned widely at him, his green eyes looking over Steven's ensemble from behind his bottle-thick glasses, "You're a knock-out, Steven," and Steven laughed. "Thank you, thank you. The power of a good tailor, I'm learning." How on earth was he supposed to go back to regular life after this wonderful break?

"So true!" Keith said with a cheeky wink, but some of his nerves were still apparent as he said, "Okay, this might seem a little silly. I've never been out with a man before, but..." he fumbled with a green box, and there inside of it was a white boutonniere; a lily surrounded by baby's breath and wrapped in a white silk ribbon.

"Oh, Keith," Steven said in awe but Keith waved his hand at him.

"I know, I know, it's a little corny-"

"I could do with some corny in my life right about now," Steven said, smiling up at him, and Keith smiled back as he helped Steven fix it to his lapel.

"Sounds to me like someone has had a little life change," Keith said knowingly and Steven let out a huff of breath in acknowledgment. "You could say that." 

They shared another smile, and then Keith let out a breath, "let's get this embarrassment over with." 

✦✦

They entered the ornate hall together, with Steven's arm linked through Keith's so he could lean on him if he needed it. A nice looking man stepped towards them, "Are you Mr. Habersberger?" 

"Yes, I am," Keith said, sharing a nervous grin with Steven. 

"Great! Then we're all ready for you just in here." 

They entered a large conference hall that was filled with many round tables that were set with beautiful table cloths and china, and all of them were filled with well-dressed guests, talking amongst themselves and drinking. The moment that Keith entered the room, however, the chattering stopped, and everyone got to their feet and began to applaud. 

Steven had hoped for a good audience for Keith but this was better than either of them had expected, and he felt a lump in his throat as Keith swallowed. They shared another, breathless, excited look, and began to make their way to the place of honor. As they got closer to the table, the kind man offered to lead Keith to his seat, and Steven was left to find an empty place waiting for him at another table.

He's barely sat down when he sees, among the servers that are taking their orders (the steak or the chicken?) a vision in a cream and black tux, looking more like James Bond (or maybe the handsome villain) than he did on a regular basis, Andrew Ilynyckj making his way around the room, checking on tables, greeting Keith, and suddenly he sees Steven, and he smiles, a bright, rare treat, and is coming straight at him.

"Is this seat taken?" he asks, gesturing to the seat just to Steven's right, and he shakes his head, mind still fumbling to perform any sort of speech. 

"Wow, you look great, by the way," Andrew says, gesturing towards Steven's jewel-toned tux, and he leans in and pecks him on the cheek. "Thank you," Steven stammers, "You do too." 

Andrew gives him another dazzling smile and Steven's heart flips, "I'm glad you could make it." 

"Me too," Andrew says, "I spoke to Ashly and...it's over. I mean, it never even began. It was a bit awkward but there's closure now, you know? It was all a big misunderstanding," and somehow Andrew looks more at ease with this than Steven did with Adam over the two weeks he's been in LA. "That's great, man," Steven offers, and Andrew smiles back. 

But then Chris Reinacher is up at the stage and he's giving the opening speech about Keith, and what he'd meant to him, and all of their years as friends and partners, and between courses different people from the business go up and give their takes, and clips of his shows are displayed on a big screen throughout the night, all talking about how Keith had inspired and entertained and encouraged them. The food from Andrew's restaurant is spectacular, and he feels Andrew's eyes on him as he moans around his steak, telling him how good it is, and they even trade bites.  

Finally, sometime before dessert, it's Keith's turn. 

Steven couldn't help but notice that as the night had gone on, the usually cheery and goofy Keith had turned into a mess, crying into his chicken at all of the sweet things people were saying, and laughing at the stories they told. Once it was his time to go up, though, he'd mostly stopped, and Andrew and Steven watched him approach the stairs to the stage with bated breath. 

Steven felt ready to run up there at any moment to help him, but he saw the same man from earlier waiting on standby in case he was needed. 

As it turns out, they needn't have worried: Keith climbed the stage like a champ.

He approached the podium, waving and smiling (albeit, a bit tearfully) at the tremendous applause. "I must say I am in awe," he said into the mic with a goofy grin, "that I was able to climb those stairs." 

Everyone laughed, and he went on, "When I moved to Hollywood 60 years ago I thought I wanted to go into television, and I did what most wanna-be actors get as their first gig-a waiter." He raised a bemused brow as people chuckled, "Well, that job helped me figure out that what I really loved was hospitality. Food and entertainment were two of my real gifts, and I wanted to share them with the world." 

Steven knocked his shoulder with Andrew's, feeling oddly like a proud parent as Keith went on; "When I started Chickenwatch with Chris Reinacher there weren't shows like that. There was no such thing as The Food Network. Nobody thought a funny cooking show would be successful. This was before cooking shows became game shows, before people were only interested in them if it involved wining thousands of dollars or humiliating themselves doing wacky challenges that they couldn't possibly have trained for in culinary school," there was more laughter in the audience and Steven nudged Andrew again, smiling brightly at him, "He is so brilliant."

But as he looked at Andrew he realized that Andrew wasn't watching Keith anymore, but looking very resolutely at him. 

"Steven," he said softly. "What are you doing for New Years Eve?"

Steven blinked, wondering why he was asking this now, why Andrew looked like this was such an urgent question. "I...uh, I'll be back in New York for New Years. I leave tomorrow." 

Andrew swallowed. "Oh. Right." 

Disappointment and confusion panged in his chest but then Andrew was saying, "You know, I've never been to New York?" 

"Oh," Steven whispered back. There was some other question hidden beneath Andrew's words, and the air was crackling with it, even as the rest of their table laughed at some joke Keith made as his speech continued on. All he could really hear, all he could see was Andrew. "Really?" 

"I've heard that that's the place to be, you know, on New Year's..."

"That's what they say," he agreed, not really sure what he was agreeing to. "It's definitely something."

"Um, Steven if I..." Andrew was leaning in, looking deadly serious, and Steven was again struck by how handsome he looked with his styled hair and his sharp jawline and those intense green eyes. "If I came to New York for New Year's would you go out with me?" 

Steven's jaw went slack, "Are you serious?" 

Andrew got this little line at the top of his nose when he furrowed his brow, and all Steven wanted was to kiss it smooth, "Do you really think I'd joke about-"

But Steven was already kissing him, and then Andrew, handsome, kind, good Andrew was kissing him back.

They pulled apart as applause thundered in his ears, and Andrew was looking at him like he amazed him, like he was something special and not just another guy or a replacement for what had never been, and when they turned back to hear the rest of Keith's speech their hands brushed, and Keith was being honored and Andrew was holding his hand and Steven didn't think his heart had ever been so full. 

* * *

New York, 4 hours before take off, Steven's New York Loft 

✧✧

Ryan had hardly slept that night in Shane's bed, but by the time Shane was up he did his best to pretend he was well-rested and ready to go. 

He packed more or less in silence, with Shane trying not to hover, but hovering, his anxiety and anticipation of Ryan's leaving hanging like a cloud over the loft. 

He pulled Ryan's suitcase outside, and Ryan wanted to tell him to turn around if only to remove the tension from his shoulders and make him smile at him again. 

The uber was already waiting for him when he got outside. 

"Okay, so we're not going to make a bigger deal out of this than it already is," he said, as much for his benefit as for Shane's.

"No, we're not," Shane agreed. He was bent over Ryan like a willow, he could see their breath, could picture Shane pushing him back against that tree in Central Park, when he'd kissed him until he was warm again.

"It's not like we're not going to speak to each other again, we can still text, Facetime, whatever.." 

 "No set rules," Shane cut in with a small smile and Ryan smiled back, "No rules," he agreed. 

"So now I'm just going to kiss you for the millionth time, and just say, 'be seeing you,'" Ryan said, eyes scanning Shane's face, until he saw Shane nod. 

Ryan stood on his toes to kiss him, his arms looping around Shane's neck as Shane's arms wrapped around his waist and he pulled Ryan closer, and Ryan's eyes fluttered closed at the longing sensation that lay beneath it. 

Their foreheads stayed together for a long moment, and while Ryan's eyes were round and sad, Shane's eyes were closed so tightly he looked like he was in pain, and it made his heart pang. Finally Shane let him go, but Ryan still felt the loss of his touch immediately in the crisp December air. 

"Be seeing you," Ryan said, as promised, and Shane's hand was brushing against his cheek. "Take care of yourself," Shane was saying but his eyes looked a little glassy and pink and Ryan couldn't speak. He nodded, a lump forming in his throat. 

Another minute went by, there was so much he wanted to say but nothing seemed right. Shane was hovering again, but the uber driver had already finished putting his suitcase in the trunk and was waiting by the car. 

Ryan forced a smile and Shane's mirrored his own, until Ryan finally gave a nod, and he went down to the car. He stopped as he opened it's door and looked back one last time, and he waved. Shane held his hand back in a wave and then the cab was pulling out and into Manhattan traffic. 

✧✧

"You have a good holiday?" his uber driver asked, and Ryan offered him a tight smile, "Yeah." He swallowed, "Maybe the best ever." 

There was a prickling in the back of his eyes and a tightness in his chest. He took deep breaths as he leant back against the seat, staring at the ceiling of the car. 

 _"What I want is you,"_ Shane's voice echoed in his mind. Shane wanted him, he loved him, and Ryan was driving away from him, throwing away whatever this was, because he was too much of a coward to give it a shot.

" _All I know is that I love you,"_ he'd said, sincere as day in the intimacy of that dark room and Ryan had just...walked away.

Hot tears streamed down his face, and Ryan let out a shuddering breath. Instead of trying to stop it, for once, he let himself cry. 

All this time with Shane had felt like a dream, but these tears were about as real as it got. 

 _"I finally know what I want,"_ Shane had said, and suddenly, Ryan knew. He smiled, wiping his tears away from his cheeks and looked up in time to see the uber driver giving him uncomfortable glances in the rearview mirror. 

"Wait, wait, can you turn this back around?" Ryan asked, and he saw the uber driver frown, "Wait, are you serious?"

"I've never been so serious about anything in my life." 

"Did you forget something?" he asked, turning behind him to get a look at Ryan but Ryan was smiling and felt lighter than he had in forever.

"Yes, yes!" The driver was giving him a weird look but Ryan couldn't help it, he was grinning from ear to ear. 

However, turning back around was easier said than done in the Manhattan traffic and Ryan couldn't wait, "Stop, stop, I'll just get out." 

"What?"

But Ryan was already out of the cab, running down the sidewalk. "Sir? Sir?!" the uber driver called after him, but Ryan felt propelled onward. He'd never felt anything more clearly in his life. 

Ryan weaved in and out of tourists and passerby, "Watch it!" someone yelled, "sorry!" Ryan shouted back but he couldn't stop now that the apartment building was in sight. 

He took the stairs, getting winded at about the fourth floor, and he bent over, gasping for breath for a minute, and then he charged the remaining three stories, veins coursing with adrenaline as he reached room 703.

"Shane!" he turned the knob and was surprised to find it unlocked, "Shane, I..." he trailed off as he stepped inside Shane's apartment for the first time. There was a couch with a television and gaming system and a dollhouse in the living room and a spacious kitchen with kid's pictures hanging on the fridge, but otherwise the place seemed quiet.

The door at the end of hall opened, almost cautiously slow, and he saw Shane step out. His hair and clothes were in disarray like he had been in bed, and as he stepped closer, Ryan saw him wiping at his face with both of his large hands, and take in a deep shuddering breath.

His eyes were puffy from crying, and Ryan felt his heart lurch in his chest as he stepped towards him. "You know, I've been thinking..." he said in a wobbly voice, and Shane was eying him like he expected he'd come back just to pull the rug from under him again.

"I mean, it doesn't make sense for me to leave before New Year's, does it?" he saw Shane's shoulders sink down in relief. "I mean, miss New Year's in New York City? I'd have to be crazy." 

Shane was smiling at him in a watery incredulous way and Ryan wasn't sure if he'd ever felt this way before. "I know you didn't ask me to stay, but, you did tell me you loved me, so I figured...I'd have a date."

Shane's smile turned a bit uncertain, "I...I'll have the kids on New Years Eve," he said as though that'd turn Ryan off, as though he'd get back in the cab and leave.

"Sounds perfect," he said instead, and then he was in Shane's arms and Shane was holding him and stroking the back of his neck, breathing him in. It felt like more than a promise for New Year's, if you were to ask him. It felt like coming home.

* * *

New York, New Year's Eve, Steven's New York Loft 

✧✦

Shanna Madej came down the hall in her new velvet dress, curls bouncing with excitement.

"Look at you!" Steven Lim said, bending down to pick her up, "You look so pretty!"

"Thank you," she said, playing with the buttons on his red cardigan, looking shy. "You look like a Christmas angel!" he said and Shanna giggled. Success. 

He carried her into the living room where Andrew was in the midst of bonding with Finn, telling him some wry, gross story about the time he got food poisoning, and he watched Shanna run back to join them, looking eager to see whatever it was that was making Finn laugh.  

"That reminds me of this one Youtuber," Finn was saying, scrolling through his iPad, and Steven paused in the doorway, holding two flutes of sparkling champagne, content with watching his boyfriend charm the kids as easily as he'd charmed him. 

Andrew must've felt him looking at him, because he was looking over his shoulder at him, handsome and smiling in his cream sweater. "Babe," Andrew said, gesturing towards the seat next to him, and Steven sidled in close, giving him his drink. Andrew's arm went around his waist, and he gave him a kiss on the cheek as they clinked glasses, then found themselves the audience of Finn's favorite Youtube show. "See, this is the part where it happens-" Finn was saying eagerly, and Steven leant his head on Andrew's shoulder. This was the part where it all happened, wasn't it, Steven couldn't help but feel. It all was happening now.

Ryan entered the room a moment later in his new cashmere sweater (it was a late Christmas present from when they'd gone shopping the other day), the sleeves went down to his knuckles, but it was so cozy and Shane looked at him like he was so endeared by it that he found he couldn't really complain. He was holding a plate of freshly baked (pre-made) chocolate-chip cookies, and then Shane emerged, as dressed-up as he'd ever seen him in a white button down shirt and a blazer no-less, his hair swept back and Ryan felt his heart flip a little at the way he looked at him. There was jazzy Christmas music playing over the speakers and then Shane was dancing towards him, silly and carefree, and Ryan let himself be spun into it, pulled into Shane's orbit.

Ryan pulled away to dance over and set down the tray of cookies in front of the kids on the coffee table and to give both Andrew and Steven a hug. He and Steven had  finally met in person a couple days ago, and immediately had become fast friends. After all, they had more or less set each other up with their current boyfriends-could there be a better gift exchange than that? 

Of Brent's work friends he'd always liked Andrew and his wry sense of humor. Even still, Ryan was shaking his head at Andrew, that sneaky bastard, for snatching up sweet Steven like that. "What?" Andrew asked innocently, laughing and standing to get closer, "You gotta a problem with me?" "Maybe I do," Ryan teased back. 

"I guess we gotta fight," Andrew deadpanned, making Ryan's face scrunch up in a wide grin, "Maybe...a dance battle?" Andrew asked, and Ryan threw back his head and laughed, "With you? Game on." 

Steven and Shane cheered them on as the ridiculous 'battle' ensued, until it devolved into Andrew tugging Steven in, and attempting a quasi-swing dance move that Ryan couldn't hope to compete with, and the room was filled with giggles and dancing and bubbly champagne (or sprite for the kids).

"Uh-oh, I think the love-train is leaving the station," Ryan said suddenly, mimicking a chugging gesture as he began to go around the coffee table and Shane doubled over and laughed as the kids, Steven and Andrew all joined in, with Shane at the tail. 

Soon they were all dancing and hopping and laughing until Finn broke in, "Wait, wait, wait! It's ten thirty, it's almost time to go," and then they were gathering together to go outside, bundling up in layers with thermoses of hot chocolate, and streaming into the cold night air.

Time's Square had been packed for hours, but none of them had really wanted to spend the whole night waiting in the crowd. Shanna was on Shane's shoulders as they made their way to the edge of the crowd, just close enough to see the ball, and feel the excitement that thrummed in the night air.

"I bet you've never seen anything like this in Los Angeles," Shane was saying in a silly voice, and Ryan's mittened hand found his and gave it a squeeze, "No, I never have," he said back, but he wasn't looking at the crowd. "You're a sap," Shane said quietly, but the adoration in his eyes gave him away.

It was 11:45, and Steven was huddled with Andrew whose ear was still being talked off by Finn, but when Steven squeezed his hand Andrew looked at him, "Thanks for this." 

"For what?" Andrew asked, tilting his head. 

"For coming all this way just to be with me," Steven said with a small smile, "I've never had anyone...ever do anything like that for me."

Andrew leant up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Steven, this is just the beginning," he said, and somehow, Steven knew it was true.

They counted down with the crowd, the couples looking at each other as the kids were focused on the ball, and as midnight struck Ryan and Shane, and Steven and Andrew, were all kissing their beloveds, caught in a swarm of love and the beginning of something fresh and new. 

It was easily the sweetest, best first New Year's Eve that any of them had together, but was absolutely, certainly not the last.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the official end of the movie (more or less)! I'm thinking of adding in a *wiggles fingers* bonus chapter so let me know if that's something y'all are interested in, and if you're thinking just added fluff, a time jump, smut, or what. 
> 
> Thanks again to all of you who have ridden this holiday-fueled wave of guilty pleasure with me, I really appreciate all of the kudos and lovely comments I've got from you guys, it really has meant a lot. 
> 
> Hope in the end you thought this was all...worth it, but I guess that shall remain...unsolved.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months later and Ryan and Steven are still working out how the relationships with their boys go. It's not easy when you both live on opposite sides of the country, but they're doing what they can to make it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where we divert from the movie and go on our own path...  
> It was getting a bit long so I'm going to split it up into (probably) two chapters so expect at least one more after this! 
> 
> Thanks for all of the kudos and support, lovelies.

June, Los Angeles, Ryan Bergara's Los Angeles Home

✧✧

"Welcome to _Post Mortem,_ where we answer your questions about our last episodes of _Unsolved Supernatural Mysteries_ , a show where we discuss some of the science and flaws behind some of the greatest paranormal documentaries, and do a little investigating ourself as we answer the question: are ghosts real."

Tj panned the camera over to Shane who sat, shaking his head at the question and looking dubious, as usual. It was something that might have driven Ryan up the wall once (and still did sometimes, if he was honest) but the audience loved that stuff. "This is our last episode of our first uh, little season here, and we're kinda hoping to get a feel from you, the audience, if this is something you're interested in as well, maybe see if you're hoping to see our stupid faces for another season then please go online and vote, leave us some comments, suggestions, or tweet us at the urls and handles down below-" this part of the show was going to be online. One major aspect of it was that they wanted it to be interactive with the fans, but the first season had to be filmed in advance so they were mostly answering critiques to other shows Ryan had worked on in the past for now. 

Shane pulled a face, pointing at himself, "You're not getting rid of this face anytime soon, baby-" and Ryan laughed, eyes crinkling at the edges.

"Okay, maybe _I'm_ not, but not everyone deals with _this_ on a daily basis-" he says, gesturing at Shane, and Shane grins back at him, before affecting a mock-offended tone, "Hey, now, what's not to love?" and he's in Ryan's personal space, their smiles almost touching. 

"Okay, but not everyone's your boyfriend," he says, but Shane's blinking at him with those big brown eyes and Ryan gives in and pecks him on the lips, leaving Shane to stretch in a self-satisfied manner that suggested that settled everything, folding his arms behind his back and smiling smugly at the camera, leaving Ryan to shake his head, grinning over at him even as he tries to shuffle through his files, attempting to get back on task, he's distracted. 

"You're acting like you solved a case, like 'case closed,'" Ryan laughs at him and Shane hams it up like he always does, "I did," he says in an old-timey detective voice, "I solved the case of who loves me, it's you, Ryan Bergara! I got you," and Ryan wheezes and grins at the camera in way that somehow both says 'Can you believe this guy?' and 'How did I get so lucky?' at the same time. These weekends they had together were precious to both of them, and they made the most of it.

He and Shane traded off who visited who every other weekend or so, and they'd been making due with this brand new project of his. If  _Unsolved_  was a hit Ryan liked to say maybe Shane would need to come to California permanently. 

Of course, that was a pretty shallow excuse for why he really wanted Shane to move out here. He'd only been hinting about it for the last month or so. 

✧✧ 

"My house is huge," Ryan had said one night when they were in bed together, working on their prospective laptops, and Shane had laughed, "No need to brag, I can see that for myself; incredible how you find your way from one side to the other with your little legs-" and Ryan whacked his arm, "I just meant," he began in a smaller, more serious voice, "It's big enough for the kids."  

That got Shane's attention. He peered owlishly over his glasses at Ryan who felt his stomach churn. He didn't want to rush Shane into anything or seem like he was trying to be a replacement parent but he couldn't help it. The nights he was with Shane were incredible, but he had to live the rest of the week alone, in this big house, and it was driving him insane. He'd thought about selling it, but Shane hadn't exactly invited him to live in New York yet, and this place was bigger, and, and, and....

"That's a pretty big step," Shane had just said in a slow voice, and Ryan had felt his face flame, "You know what, forget it." 

"No," Shane said, and he set his laptop aside, methodically folding his glasses and placing them on top of the bedside table. He leaned over, and Ryan watched him slowly shut his laptop too, and gently, ever so gently, Shane took off Ryan's glasses and set them on top of his side table. 

"I'm not going to forget it because I don't want to forget it," Shane said, and he slowly pushed back the blankets of their bed before settling down between Ryan's thighs, "Ryan, you are the most generous, incredible man, I....I'm not saying no," he told him, pushing up Ryan's sleep shirt and pressing a kiss to his tan stomach, "I told you once that I was a package deal and you've taken that very seriously, and that hasn't gone unnoticed. When you have me, you want all of me, and I want all of you, too." His thumbs were in Ryan's pajama bottoms, and he was slowly pressing the material down his hips, and Ryan lifted his bottom to let him pull it down his legs, "I'm not saying no," he repeated, his breath hot and damp against Ryan's boxer-briefs, "I'm saying wait."

Shane looked up at Ryan, who's hand had made his way into his hair, his eyes were dark and heavily lidded, and Shane's mouth above where Ryan was now straining against fabric, a damp patch making it's way across the front. 

"Can you wait for me, baby?" Shane had asked then, and how could he say anything other than, "Yes." 

_Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes..._

✧✧

"I heard if we don't do well I'm going to find a new cohost," Ryan jokes when the episode is done filming and Tj's gone home and he's started editing at their desk, and he watches Shane frown at him, "You're telling me I'll get booted off the show and you'll find yourself a new beau?"

"Yeah, cause that's definitely one the requirements," Ryan says sarcastically, "Cause, you know before you got here I was doing it with Brent-" and he sees Shane's eyes narrow in that jealous way he gets sometimes that makes Shane a little more touchy (physically and otherwise) and Ryan a little more sore but sated the next day.

"You know, you try it with him again and he'll be a Co-Ghost," Shane threatens in a faux-scary voice, but Ryan feels a thrill go down his spine all the same, and he grins at him, "I thought you didn't believe in ghosts," he says smugly and Shane scoffs, "Well, I mean, in your world-"

"Uh-huh."

"-you could just have this empty chair next to you and pick up pieces of EVP and call it a day!"

Ryan tries to be mad at Shane and fails, cracking up at the image. "That's...a great way to go off the air in a week."

"..and maybe get committed."

Ryan wheezes, "Yeah, probably." 

"You know," Shane says, eyes twinkling, and Ryan knows it's going to be a bad joke, "That's what most men are afraid of instead of ghosts-though if you keep up this show you might want to be afraid of it too-"

Ryan tilts his head, lost. "What?" 

"....a fear of commitment," Shane says, grinning like a moron, and Ryan snorts. "Says the man who told me he loved me first," and he watches Shane blush, before rolling his chair away from their desk, "What? Where are you going?" Ryan laughs, pushing his legs to roll his chair after him, "Come back here!" 

It ends with Ryan chasing Shane out of the studio and across the second story of his home until they make it to the bedroom. Not much work gets done after that.

✧✧

He sees it without meaning to, one night when Shane's left his laptop on his bed when Ryan's staying at his place in New York for the weekend. There are several pages open on his web-browser, all job sites looking for editorial work in LA. 

He tries not to look guilty or overly excited when Shane comes back from brushing his teeth, but he might as well have set the record for most enthusiastic blow-job that night, leaving Shane boneless and dazed.

"What was that for?" he asks a bit breathlessly, "Nothing," Ryan says innocently, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, and Shane just hums and flips him over.

✧✧

The show is due to air any day now, and Ryan is nervous. He wants this to work, needs it to be a success so badly. 

Somehow it pulls through. The ratings are fantastic. When he goes to New York, Shane's waiting for him with flowers and the kids and they go back to have pizza and watch the views climb.

He gets a call from Ashly at some point around midnight (nine in California) and climbs out of bed to talk to her. It's good news. It's almost unheard of to be renewed that quickly, but it's happened: they've been renewed for a second season. 

Ryan bounces on the bed and wakes Shane up and he's so excited that he accidentally wakes up the kids in the other room too and they come in to see what the fuss is about and they all have midnight ice cream to celebrate.  

✧✧

The kids haven't been to California before. It's summer, late July, and Shane's got two weeks paid vacation he's never used up, the kids aren't in school anymore, and they all fly out to Los Angeles. 

Ryan picks them up at LAX and takes them to In N Out and Disneyland and Knots Berry Farm and Harry Potter World and the Aquarium of the Pacific and the San Diego Zoo. Shane tries to tell him it's too much, but Ryan can't help it. 

Maybe he's trying too hard to make the kids like him, to make them want to stay, but he's having the time of his life, and he knows that (despite Shane's discomfort with the money he's spending) Shane's having fun too. 

They've been here a week, and Shane's hair is already a shade lighter from the California sun, Ryan thinks. It's a good look on him. Aside from some nights in, they haven't really had a moment to themselves. Ryan's courting Shane's family as much as anything, so Shane finds them a babysitter. 

Andrew and Steven show up that morning looking fresh and not like they've been with kids for the entire week, and Shane thinks the changing of the guard couldn't have come at a better time. 

"I can't believe we get to go to Disneyland," Steven says eagerly and Andrew smiles at his big kid of a boyfriend, "Yeah, with all 7 million other tourists," he deadpans and Steven laughs. "Hey, no Mr. Grumpypants, we haven't even got there yet" and Andrew feigns a sigh, "I'll try" but his eyes give him away. 

"You have our numbers," Shane says, giving Shanna a big hug, and mussing Finn's hair up, "So. Just keep em from falling off the water rapids ride or getting tricked by any witches with poison apples or whatever." 

"I think that's about the bare minimum, we can handle that," Andrew says with a grin. 

"Shane," Ryan sighs, but he's eager to get away with Shane too, and they're smiling at each other until Steven laughs, "Okay, love-doves, we're out of here," and the kids follow them out to Andrew's cool red convertible that he knows is going to impress Finn, while Andrew wrestles with the booster seat to put in the back. 

"Don't let them bully you into spending too much money," Shane calls out, but they've already got spending money from Ryan on hand, "Shanna doesn't need two princess dresses-"

 _"Daddy,_ " Shanna whines, and he just sighs, "You're already Rapunzel, sweetie, that's good enough." She crosses her arms, looking cuter is good for him in her sparkly pink Minnie ears, but he's not going to cave in as easily as _some_ boyfriends here. 

"Oh and make sure they put sunscreen on, like, every three hours or else they'll spontaneously combust-" and Finn sighs heavily, but Steven laughs. "You laugh now, but it's true," Ryan says seriously and Steven and Andrew exchange a look, "Okay, will do," Andrew says, and then they're all waving their goodbyes and the car drives off.

Alone at last. 

"So," Shane draws out slowly, watching the gate close. "Wanna have sex?"

"Yup."

They don't quite make it to the bedroom and Shane has Ryan on his couch, then again later, when they're in the jacuzzi, with slippery hands wrapped around his neck, and bubbles and heat swirling around them. 

✧✧

A couple hours and a shower later and Ryan and Shane are on the move, driving in Ryan's car out towards the beach. 

* * *

July, Anaheim, Disneyland

✦✦

"Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland!" Steven and Shanna had been chanting for the past five minutes or so, and Andrew's tolerance for it was just beginning to thin.

Finn's tolerance for their shenanigans, on the other hand, had gone out the window four and a half minutes ago. 

"Okay! Music time," Andrew said, eying Finn in the rearview mirror and wanting to prevent the eruption of Pompeii in the backseat. 

"What do you like to listen to, Finn?" "Dubstep," Finn said, and Andrew frowned, "what?" 

"Oh, like Deadmau5?" Steven asked over his shoulder and Finn nodded, "okay, lemme just..." he fiddled with the aux cord and found a playlist on Spotify. "Dead.. mouse?" Andrew echoed, "is that appropriate Disney-going music?" and Steven laughed, "You'll see." 

The sounds that filled the air were somewhat vaguely musical, but also could've just been recordings of the Transformers having sex. In either respect, Andrew found himself gripping the wheel just a bit harder while a Steven made laughing eyes at him from the passenger seat. 

"Crank it up!" Finn said, and Andrew's eyes went wider, "what?" 

"You need to feel the bass!" 

"Uhh..." 

Steven cranked it up, and Andrew felt every hair stand on end while Finn looked like he was grooving out in the back. "So cool, right?" Steven shouted over the music and Andrew gave him the betrayed look of a cat who had been tricked into the bath. "Really cool."

Just then he felt Shanna kicking his seat, "Hey." He looked over at her in the mirror and saw her covering her ears with her hands, "too loud!" she cried out and he smiled, turning the dial back, "sorry, Finn," he said when the kid groaned, "just gotta make it a good time for everyone." Thank god for Shanna. 

Steven took his free hand, and they shared a look. Even if they were playing babysitters for the day, it was going to be good to spend time with him. 

This was going to be the longest trip Steven had with him, after going the longest period they'd had without seeing each other, almost two months. They Facetimed most nights, but it didn't keep Steven from crying when he left the last time he'd come to visit. It was getting harder and harder to leave instead of easier, but he supposed that had to do with them getting close. 

What could he say, long distance relationships were hard. It meant they tried to do as much as they could when they were together to try to catch up on the time when they were apart. It also meant they felt everything all the more intensely, the physical side of the relationship non-withstanding. 

Andrew was a gentleman: originally he'd gotten a hotel whenever he came over, even though Steven had offered his apartment on more than one occasion. It was easier to avoid temptation that way, for one thing, and for another he felt it'd only make leaving harder. 

He wasn't wrong, but despite all of his care the last time he was in New York things had escalated past making out on the couch into something a bit hotter, and a bit brighter than before. 

✦✦

It was already beginning to heat up in May in New York when Andrew had visited last. Steven was sitting on his counter in his shorts and tank top, kicking his long bare legs while Andrew was showing him how to make the perfect mud pie with hand-cranked coffee ice cream and home-made fudge and chocolate crushed graham cracker crust.

Steven was oo-ing and awing him on, as much fascinated by the process as he was with watching Andrew in that tight white t-shirt, his tanned muscular arms and beautiful hands nimbly at work with the delicate craft

He had just finished melting down the fudge then and had brought it over to let Steven taste the spoon, "See, you want to balance that bitter cocoa with the right amount of sugar," he was saying, watching Steven lick the wood utensil, "Oh my god," Steven said, his eyes widening, and he was licking the sticky substance and moaning with how good it was and then he caught Andrew's eye.

Andrew had stopped speaking at this point and his mouth was a little slack, and Steven abruptly realized how it must look, flushed up his neck, but slowly opened his mouth and pressed the spoon in, letting his lips suck around it. 

Andrew's eyes were dark and they were staring unabashedly at his mouth as he pulled off the spoon with a "pop".

"Well, I...can't use, that...anymore," Andrew said, but his already low voice was so grating it was practically _subsonic_ and Steven's legs fell open, and his head tilted back, waiting, expectant.

Andrew dropped the spoon in the sink and picked up another one, pouring the fudge in the mold, and Steven was left blushing and feeling a bit foolish on the counter while Andrew silently placed the mold in the freezer next to the ice cream and set the timer.

Standing up and wiping his hands on his apron, Andrew turned, stalking back towards Steven, and before he could think he was pressed up against the cabinets with the force of his kiss. Steven whined as Andrew chased the chocolate in his mouth.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Andrew breathed as he pressed sticky kisses up Steven's jaw.

"No, but I-I think I'm beginning to get the idea," Steven had managed back, and Andrew smirked against his lips. 

"Let's see if I can't show you, then," and they ended up in a heap on the ground on the kitchen with Steven in Andrew's lap and utterly soiled pants and more than a little chocolate on places they hadn't been before. 

They cleaned up when the timer went off, and that was the first night that Andrew stayed. 

They had their mud pie for breakfast the next day before Andrew had to leave and couldn't stop giving each other covert glances until Andrew said, "Chocolate doesn't always mean foreplay, Steven," and Steven had blushed hard, "I didn't say it did-"

 _"Well-_ " 

They'd laughed about it, and Steven had taken him to the airport on the subway and they were still teasing each other about it on the way there and everything was good until he said goodbye and watched Andrew go through security and he was fine until he promptly burst into tears on the lone ride back. So much for that. 

✦✦

After that, it was kinda hard to go back to the way things had been before, and when Andrew invited Steven to stay this week no hotels had been involved.

Andrew had picked Steven up, let him shower and change and then taken him to dinner at his restaurant (where everyone was on their absolute best behavior) before they'd gone back to his condo and ended up in bed by nine with Steven's legs wrapped around Andrew's waist, and Andrew slowly but surely pressing into him.

"Drew," Steven gasped, and Andrew peppered his face with kisses, "Is it too much?" he sounded strained and concerned and Steven shook his head, "A lot but not too much." 

Andrew could wait. Andrew was very patient until Andrew wasn't any more, or so Steven was learning. He was taut like a bowstring, but when he was released, all Steven could do was hold on for the ride.

✦✦

That had been two nights ago. They hardly left their bed yesterday except for Andrew to cook in the nude, and that just resulted in more eating and sharing food which just let to more sex. 

It was probably the best week of his life so far. 

Today they were actually going out, and, okay, maybe they weren't alone, but they liked Shane's kids and it felt only fair to give Ryan and Shane a moment to themselves. 

"Is it weird to see Ryan playing Stepdad?" Steven had asked Andrew on the ride over to Ryan's that morning, and Andrew had laughed a bit, "I mean, maybe, a little. I only knew him when he was with Brent, but Brent was kind of....." he trailed off, "Anyways, he seems happy now, doesn't he?" 

"He does," Steven agreed. "Shane's a lot happier now, too. He's not out getting drunk like he used to all the time when he doesn't have the kids for one thing." 

"Oh, wow," Andrew said quietly, "That's a big shift."

"Yeah," Steven agreed, and the car was quiet for a moment. 

"Do you think they're going to get married?" 

"I wouldn't be surprised," Steven answered, but he turned to him and gave a grim little smile, "Though Shane was married once before, you know, and maybe..." 

"Oh, right," Andrew said quietly, "Of course." Ryan had been all but married before, too. It was hard to move on, to learn to trust again, but they were doing it. Slowly but surely. 

✦✦

They got to Disney around ten that morning with no major fights, so Andrew counted it as a win.

Steven had never been to Disneyland before, Andrew hadn't been back since he was in college and this was just the kids' second time in a little over a week, so it was going to be an experience, that was for sure. 

Steven was thrumming with energy and he had to hold Shanna's hand so she wouldn't take off into the crowd while Finn was back to chattering about video games at Drew again, and then they were entering the park, strolling down Main Street U.S.A. 

"Oh my god it's real!" Steven gasped as Sleeping Beauty's castle loomed in the distance, and Andrew laughed, "You thought it was just a cardboard cut out?" and Steven gave him a look, "No, obviously not, but seeing is believing." 

"You believe in magic, Steven?" Andrew asked with a crooked grin.

"I believe in Disney magic. And love," Steven countered, smiling dopily at him. They hadn't actually used the "l" word together yet, but it was a near thing. 

Andrew shook his head at his boyfriend but took his hand anyway, kissing his knuckles. 

"Ew," Finn said, and that cracked Andrew up. "Maybe when you're a little older, Finn," he said, mussing up Finn's hair, and Finn just gave him a grossed-out look. 

"What about Ryan and your brother?" Andrew asked, suddenly curious. "You uh, like them together?" 

"Ugh, I guess," Finn said with a scowl, and he and Steven shared a look. "You don't like Ryan?"

"I don't not like him," Finn said defensively. "It's just...weird." 

"What's weird?" Steven asked, but he felt he already knew the answer.

"He was married before, to Sara, it's weird that he's...."

"Dating a boy?" Steven guessed. 

Finn pulled a face, "Kinda." 

"Or is it more about the fact that he's dating anyone at all?" Andrew asked, and Finn shrugged, looking more interested in the candy and churro venders they were passing than their conversation, but when they waited he finally spoke. 

"It's already weird that I live with my brother sometimes, that he thinks he's my dad. I already have a dad. I don't need two dads, and I _definitely_ don't need three dads." 

Steven and Andrew shared another look. "Have you talked about that with Shane at all?" Steven ventured cautiously. 

"What? No, I mean, maybe, I don't know," Finn mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I just think that, it might help if you woul-" "Can we not talk about this right now? We're at Disneyland," Finn asked abruptly, and Steven shut his mouth. 

"Okay," Andrew said placatingly, giving Steven's hand a squeeze. "We'll put a hold on this for now." He took out the map he'd been handed when they walked into the park, opening it and letting everyone gather round, "Where to first?" 

"Tomorrowland!" Finn said, "Star Tours! Space Mountain!" 

"Tomorrowland it is," Andrew said, and together they joined the throng of people all making their way towards the land of the future. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane reflects on his past with Sara and his future with Ryan, while Steven and Andrew take the kids around Disneyland, and have a bit of a heart-to-heart with Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't seem to end this, sorry. Here's a little update!

July, Malibu, El Matador State Beach

✧✧

Shane knew not everyone was going to understand this, they had only known one another for eight months in the grand scheme of things, but as far as he was concerned it was a long time coming. He had the ring box in the pocket of his board shorts as they drove out towards the beach.

In some ways, Shane knew the timing might seem weird, they still had the kids after all for the rest of the week, and there wasn't really anywhere to go but home if it went south, but he felt Ryan deserved to have the security of this. Even if he said no (which would hurt as much as be embarrassing) Shane would do his best to understand it and talk it through. 

The man had been trying so hard since they'd got there, like he was trying to get the kids to love him so Shane wouldn't change his mind about him, and as much fun as they'd been having, Shane could see this underlying anxiety thrumming under his boyfriend's skin as he constantly was trying to prove himself to him. He didn't want to leave the week on that note. He wanted Ryan to know he saw a future with him, that if he could just relax than maybe Finn would relax around him too. 

It was going to be fine, Shane decided, and he gave Ryan's knee a squeeze as they drove past the security monitor and into the parking lot by the shore. This was probably the most romantic (if cliche) place they were going to be alone as a couple. He just had to find the right moment. 

✧✧

When he proposed to Sara it had been spur of the moment. They'd been together for two years and had met at the NY Times. She was a cartoonist, quirky and smart as as a whip. He had just made his foray into journalism, leaving the family publishing business to try editorial work in a different sphere when she introduced herself to him. 

Sara was a good foot shorter than him and had a shock of pink hair, and he was bemused by her but she wasn't so easily chased off by his cynicism or remarks about her profession: she could out-snark him any day.

He finally asked her out after she'd been hanging around his desk about every day for two weeks, and the rest was history.

He proposed to her one night when they'd been working late, and he was helping her dye her hair to purple, wearing stupid plastic gloves so he wouldn't turn his hands grape-colored (he still got splotches here and there on his wrists anyway) and it smelled funny and they were laughing and she got a bit on her nose, and then he was helping her wash it out and it suddenly struck him as an incredibly intimate thing to do, and something he wouldn't mind doing with her again and again for the rest of their lives.

"We should get married," he said out of the blue while she was toweling herself off, and she didn't quite hear him, because she was drying her ears but then he said it again, and she laughed and laughed and said yes.

The years he had with Sara were some of the most colorful he'd ever had in his life. They had a small wedding, and moved in together in a nice little house her parents got them not too far from work, and then she was pregnant, and then they had Shanna and he couldn't picture life without her, in their bright little world together with the yellow nursery and the red kitchen and the blue living room and the different hair dyes he rubbed into her curly, curly hair. 

Shanna has dark hair, like Sara's must be underneath all those colors. She was only three when Sara got hit by a bus on the way home. It happened so quickly, Shane had been pushing the stroller, and he turned around and saw her skipping to catch up with him, he had been walking too fast for her short little legs, she didn't see it coming, he opened his mouth to shout her name and then...she was gone.

Shane didn't know what to do after that. He more or less fell to pieces.

He quit his job, couldn't really take care of Shanna much less himself. His parents stepped in. They'd had another kid some years after him who was only nine to his twenty-seven at the time: Finn was an "oopsie" baby, but they loved him, and it made it easier for him to let his parents sort of take over for a while. They hadn't quite retired themselves, though, just taken on less days, so Shane made a deal with them-he'd take Finn with him on the days they had to work, and then he started back at Harper Collins like he had when he was fresh out of college, working partly in the office and partly at home, and he downsized and moved into a loft apartment that had two bedrooms and gave the bigger one to the kids, and slowly, ever so slowly, started to feel like a human again.

He drank more than he used to, isolated himself from all of the friends he'd made at The Times, stopped answering their calls. Only person he couldn't quite isolate himself from was Steven Lim who'd helped him find the loft in the first place. He was a quiet but nice enough kid who checked in on him now and again and seemed to like his kids. He'd offered to babysit them on more than one occasion and pulled him out of his mopes and let him sleep on his couch when he was drunk and locked out and possibly crying but never said a negative word about it. 

About two years afterward, he was doing better, even if his habits hadn't entirely subsided. He'd made a few friends at his office, went to a couple parties, slept with a couple different people and allowed himself not to feel guilty about it. There was still a large portrait of Sara hanging in their living room next to their wedding picture, and one day Shane took off his wedding ring and put it in the little plate he had stored change in just there, and after that he never put it on again. 

When he met Ryan, he hadn't been thinking of entering a longterm relationship by any means, but Ryan was pretty and sunny and hilarious and smart and when he woke up with him the next day Shane had the first moment of not wanting to run away and hide.

Ryan wasn't Sara, he wasn't really that much like her at all, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

That little hole in his heart which had been taped over with booze and time was finally beginning to open up to him, and so when Ryan left to go to the airport that day, the day after he'd told Ryan he loved him, Shane had cried and felt that loss a second time.

The only difference was that this time, while the grief and the pain was still fresh, Ryan came back.

And Ryan kept coming back. Every time they said goodbye it was hard, every time he walked out the door it made him want to pull him back in, but he knew he'd see him again a couple of weeks.

Three months into their dating, it was March and coming up on the third year anniversary of Sara's death. The past couple of years the anniversary had been a day he'd give the kids to his parents and get black-out drunk but this year Ryan flew out to see him, and with the kids the four of them went to visit her grave and ate lunch at the nearby park.

Shane told them stories about how they'd met, and what she had been like as a parent to Shanna and as his best friend and wife, and while he didn't believe in ghosts or spirits or anything like that, Shane couldn't help but feel that while he spent all of this time introducing Ryan to Sara he was introducing her to him too. Sara would've liked Ryan, he felt. Maybe she did.

For the first time in a long while, Shane felt at peace. 

✧✧

Ryan was different than Sara, but that wasn't a bad thing. He was more of a romantic. Even if he'd claimed otherwise, Shane knew Ryan was used to a certain standard when it came to courtship. His ex, Bront or whatever his name was had been able to provide that for him to an extent, but the key missing ingredient in Brant's romantic gestures was it lacked authenticity. He was going through the motions, just doing what he thought he could to keep Ryan there and not questioning when he traveled or stayed out too late or why they never talked about marriage.

Apparently he had started trying to make amends back in January when Ryan got home, but it had taken some time for the asshole to take a hint and leave the premises. Brint had shown up again in February when Shane was over for Valentine's Day weekend. And okay, maybe opening the door in his robe with sex hair had been a bit of a "dick move" according to some, but Shane thought of it more as an alpha move. Maybe Shane didn't come with a large house or an empire of elite restaurants, and maybe he knew that it would be easy to lose the romance in their relationship quickly if he wasn't careful since he had a family that came pre-packaged. What he did have was love, and an impossibly strong commitment towards this thing between them.

If he used Brunt as a bit of a motivator at times, so what? It helped fuel his desire to work, fuck, love harder and stronger than before. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes that asshole made before. If he liked it he should've put a ring on it. Too little too late. 

✧✧

"So, this isn't exactly a normal beach," Ryan was saying for maybe the third time as they got out of the car, and Shane went around the back to grab their packed picnic basket from the backseat. "No, but it was top rated for couples," Shane said, wriggling his eyebrows at Ryan as he went to his side of the car and took his hand.  (And it was, too. Shane had done his research. He preferred not to be surrounded by sticky kids and surfers when the big moment happened). 

Ryan laughed, grinning at Shane as they stepped onto the pebbly beach. Thankfully, they both had done their research so they were wearing sneakers and not flip-flops or sandals.  

"Well, then, we're in for a great afternoon, Mr. Madej." 

And they were indeed. 

"You think Finn's driven Andrew up the wall yet?" Shane asked, tugging Ryan playfully close as they made their way towards the shoreline. 

"Oh gosh, what time is it? Noon? Yeah, probably." And Shane laughed out at the water. 

* * *

July, Anaheim, Disneyland

✦✦

Andrew was just now beginning to see some of the drawbacks of having the kids with them.

For one thing, Shanna was too young (or rather, too short) to ride certain rides which meant...he had the pleasure of riding all of the big rides with Finn alone.

"And that's when Markiplier said-" Finn was going on, starry eyed as he leant against the pole in the line he'd been standing in with Finn for the past twenty minutes for Space Mountain, talking nonstop about his favorite Youtubers to Andrew's patient ears. Was this what being a dad was going to be like in the 21st century? 

They inched their way closer and closer towards the ride. Andrew swallowed even as Finn was practically shaking with excitement as they got closer. "Space Mountain has to be in the top five rides I've gone on at Disneyland so far.." 

"Oh yeah, buddy?"

"Yeah, I think followed by the railroad one and Indiana Jones..." 

"Indiana Jones is a great one. What about Jungle Cruise?"

"Meh..." Finn shrugged and Andrew resigned himself to riding only the big kid rides today.  

A little known fact was that Andrew wasn't a big fan of coasters. The ones in Disneyland weren't too bad, but he knew this was all going to lead up to some of the bigger ones in California Adventure. 

Steven was much more of a coaster kid, but as luck would have it, Finn loved him and wanted to do everything with him. Maybe he could tap out before they got to California Screamin'. He hoped so. 

As the seat protector went over him and Finn, Andrew couldn't help but hope that Steven was having a better time at the moment than he was. 

✦✦

Steven and Shanna had just gotten off of the Rocket Jets ride when Shanna grabbed his hand, pulling him back towards the Buzz Lightyear ride the four of them had all rode together earlier. "Oh, Shanna, I don't know about this one.." Steven said hesitantly, looking at how the line stretched around the corner. "How about we go check out the castle?" 

"Wait! The teacups ride!"

"The teacups ride?" Steven exclaimed back, thinking of the Disney commercials he'd seen on VHS's growing up. "Yes! Let's find it." He pulled out the wrinkled map Andrew had handed him from his back pocket and opened it. "Looks like it's just this way, over in...Oo, _Fantasyland._ " 

"Fantasyland?" Shanna echoed, looking up at him, and he smiled down at her, "Yeah! Like Fantasy: dragons, castles, princesses, fairytales, all that good stuff."

"Ohh. I like Fantasyland." 

"I think I will too. Let's go!" 

The iconic teacup ride did have a line but it moved relatively fast, and then Steven and Shanna were in a green tea-cup, grinning widely at each other. "Have you been on this ride before?" he asked her and she nodded eagerly.

"You have to spin!" she told him seriously, already tugging at the wheel in the center of the cup to no avail.

"Oh, I think we have to wait for it to start-" he told her, and then the whistling whimsical music began to play and the wheel was loose. 

"Okay! let's spin this," he said, and he began to pull at it, and she did too, pulling with all of their might, and then they were giggling and spinning as their teacup moved across the floor, whizzing past other bright tea cups beneath the colorful lanterns and the warm California sun. 

When they got off, Shanna was a little dizzy and Steven laughed and picked her up so she could sit on his shoulders. "I think it's time we meet up with the others for lunch," he said happily, and she let out a satisfied sound. 

He pressed Andrew's number on his phone and waited, until he heard Drew pick up, "Hey! I was just about to call you," he heard his voice from the other end. 

"Hey, Drew, we're thinking it might be a good time to stop for lunch. Any ideas?" 

"How about the one that looks like a rocket?" 

"Ohhh like Pizza Planet from Toy Story?"

"...yeah, kind of."

"Great!" 

✦✦

With pizza in front of them, and Steven sitting next to him, Andrew already felt better. "This is pretty good pizza," he said between bites, and Steven nodded, eyes wide and sparkly, "Of course it is, it's _Disney pizza,_ " he said sincerely and Andrew laughed. "Oh of course, how could I forget... kid tested, Mouse approved?" 

Steven grinned widely at him, "Absolutely." He looked down at Shanna who was happily munching on her kid's sized slice. "What do you think, Shanna? Good stuff?"

"Mmm," she agreed, and he laughed. "Great. How about you, Finn?"

Finn's mouth was full but he gave him a thumbs up which Steven reciprocated. "Thumbs up all around. Sounds like a success to me."

"Oh! let's take a photo for Shane and Ryan," he said, taking out his phone and holding it out in front of him to take a picture in selfie mode. "Everybody say Disney!" 

"Disney" everyone echoed, and he took several shots, pulling his phone back in and choosing the best of them and sending it in a group text to Shane and Ryan.

"Wonder what they're doing right now," he said, and Andrew cleared his throat, suddenly looking very interested in his slice and making Steven blanch. 

"Probably getting married," little Shanna said seriously, and that made all of them turn towards her in surprise. " _What?"_ Finn asked sharply and she raised her eyebrows at him. "You know daddy really loves Ryan, so. He said he might want to marry him," she said simply, munching on her pizza. 

"That's...no way," Finn said, "That's stupid. Did he tell you that or are you just making that up?" 

Andrew's mouth dropped open, but Shanna was faster, "I didn't make it up," she said vehemently. "Yeah, right," Finn said sarcastically, "Because Shane would tell you anything that important-" 

"Okay!" Andrew said, interrupting them, "You know, maybe we all need to dial it back a few notches. Finn, you're getting a little upset, but that's no reason to be rude to your sister-" "She's not my sister!"  Andrew and Steven both winced. 

Finn had an embarrassed flush on his face from being called out by Andrew, but he didn't back down. "And I'm just saying, she shouldn't lie-" "- _I'm not lying!"_

Steven winced, "Guys, look, we don't know for sure if they're going to get married, but chances are they're not going to get married today without all of you are they?"

Shanna seemed to consider this and frowned. "No...." and Finn huffed, slurping determinedly at his soda. 

Steven shared a look with Andrew, and Andrew squeezed his hand before speaking up, "You about done there, Finn?" "Yeah..." "Okay, why don't we go do something else for a little bit and meet up with Steven and Shanna in a while?" 

"Fine." 

"Okay." He picked up his and Finn's trash from the table and kissed Steven on the cheek, "We'll meet up with you in an hour or something, alright babe?" 

"Sounds good," Steven said, faking a smile, and he was left alone with Shanna once again. "Just you and me again, huh?" he asked, watching Shanna kick her feet over the edge of her too-tall chair. "What's next?"

✦✦

Finn and Andrew were making their way into Adventureland to get in line for Indiana Jones as Andrew was preparing himself to bring up whatever this thing was going on with him about Ryan and Shane. 

"Finn," he said finally, and Finn looked warily up at him. "Would it really be that bad if Shane married Ryan?" 

"What? I don't know..." 

"You seem a little pissed off about it to not know," Andrew said blatantly and he watched Finn frown. 

"I'm not saying I don't like Ryan," he insisted, looking self-conscious in the line, glancing over at the people in front of them and the couple just joining them from behind. "It'd just be weird.." 

"Weird in what way?" 

"Just....weird, I don't know."  

 Andrew let the silence sit between them for a moment. "Is this because of Sara?" 

"No," Finn said, looking uncomfortable. "I mean. Maybe."

"It's okay if you miss her you know." 

"I know," he said defensively, and Andrew held up his hands placatingly. 

"I just...don't you think that Ryan makes Shane happy?" Finn looked a little guilty, "I mean, I guess-" 

"I can tell you one thing about Ryan," Andrew said seriously, "He really wants you guys to like him. Like, he's not trying to be your dad but he wants you to like him, you know? He's trying really hard-"  

"I know," Finn said darkly, and Andrew raised an eyebrow, "Woah, bud, what's that about?" 

"He thinks he can just buy us, I mean, just cause he's _rich_ -"

"Hey, no, no, that's not fair," Andrew interrupted, shutting that down immediately. "What makes you say that? Because he took you to Disneyland?" 

Finn looked a bit admonished but he went on, "I mean, yeah, a little, he's got this huge house and he thinks he can just make us all like him so, so-" 

"So, what?" Andrew asked, "Why do you think he's trying to trick you?"

"Uh-"

"I'm just using your logic, Finn. If Ryan is so rich, what is he getting out of this?"   
  
"I...uh. Shane. Us. I don't know." 

"And why would that be?" Andrew raised an eyebrow at him, and Finn put his hands in the air, exasperated, "Okay, so maybe he loves him." 

Now they were getting somewhere.

Andrew nodded, "Ryan loves Shane, and I think it's safe to say that Shane loves Ryan. You don't have to like it, like, that's fine, buddy if you're having a hard time coming to terms with it, but you should know that Ryan really wants you to like him too. You don't have to like him, but....all of this, what we're doing right now?" Andrew gestured at the faux temple they were approaching as they got closer in line, "That's Ryan. He wants you to have the best time in California possible because he wants to be a part of your brother's life, and that means being a part of your life too." 

Finn looked properly admonished now, so Andrew backed off, "I'm not trying to lecture you bud, that's not my job, I just...I figure it'd be a good idea to consider that before you start getting hard on Ryan again, especially while we're here." 

"Okay," Finn said softly, and Andrew smiled, knocking his shoulder against him playfully, "Great. That's all I ask. That and, maybe be a little more patient with your sister." 

Finn nodded at him and they moved another step closer in line. It was almost their turn.

"Do...do you think we're going to move out here?" Finn asked timidly and Andrew sucked on his teeth, "Um. I can't say that, man. I don't know. That's something you'll have to talk to Shane about." 

And maybe sooner than either of them would've expected.   


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their date is beginning to come to a close, like all things do. Shane asks Ryan an important question while Steven gets the answer to a question he hadn't known he had.

Malibu, El Matador State Beach, 3:00pm  
✧✧

They found a cozy cove that would make a great place to take engagement photos, Shane couldn't help thinking. There was sand here past all of the pebbles, and swirling foamy water and tall bits of coral and rock that shaded them from the rest of the beach. They'd have time for those if that's what Ryan wanted.

They had their picnic in their private beach, Ryan settled next to him, with his sweet dark eyes and hair that managed to look artfully windswept. Shane didn't need a mirror to guess he looked more shipwrecked than GQ, even if he was in one of those nice Hawaiian shirts Ryan had unironically purchased for him this week. It fit tighter and had a higher collar than what he usually wore, but Ryan kept checking out his arms in it, so he didn't mind.

Ryan was wearing a linen shirt that was almost see-through, with the top few buttons undone in a way that showed his very bitable collarbone, his sunglasses pushed off his face, looking at him so endearingly Shane could practically see the cartoon emoji hearts in his eyes.

"So this is a real California beach," he said as he leant back on his hands, looking around. "Yup," Ryan said. "It's beautiful," he said, turning back to Ryan who was still very much looking just at him. "Yup," Ryan said again, and Shane let out an embarrassed huff of a laugh. "Take a picture it'll last longer," he quipped, and Ryan got out his phone, snapping a few shots of him-smiling, then posing dramatically, head thrown back in a faux-model shot. 

Ryan was laughing so he knew he was doing something right. "You're a natural!" 

"I know, darling, I should've gone into modeling," Shane said in an accent that was vaguely Scandinavian, looking out from underneath his sunglasses, and Ryan snickered, taking a few more pictures before saying, "I know you think I'm fucking with you, but I'm going to frame some of these." 

"Yeah?" Shane asked, running a hand through his hair, "I mean, art's art, so..."

Ryan shook his head, still grinning. "Lemme get a few of you, baby," Shane said, taking his iPhone out. 

"I mean, if you want to," Ryan began, and Shane tsked him, standing up and taking the role very seriously, leaning in and taking shots from different angles, making Ryan blush and look almost self-conscious until Shane said, "Go stand by the cliff right there, I need a new screensaver," and Ryan grinned widely at him, running to do so. 

Shane took a few more, with Ryan looking almost coquettishly at him in a way that he would absolutely be revisiting before he suddenly had the thought. "Can't we put it on a timer? Get a picture of us together?" 

"Oh! Yeah!" Ryan took out his selfie-stick that Shane had been ruthlessly mocking him all week over and stuck it in the sand. "I think we could work something out with this." 

They tested a couple shots to make sure they were in the frame, with the vibrant deep blue ocean behind them, the cloudy sky and the sandy cliffs, it worked as a beautiful backdrop for the two of them. 

"Okay, lets try this-" Shane ran back to set it so it would take ten shots in succession. If this went well, they might have a few mementos. If it went poorly, they'd have something to laugh about later. Hopefully.

As he pressed the button on Ryan's camera, he skidded back to him on the sand and

                                                                                                                                 fell

                                                                                                                                    on 

                                                                                                                                       his 

                                                                                                                                         face. 

Ryan was doubled over in laughter as the camera clicked for the first time before running over to him, "Wait, oh my god, are you okay?"(click)

Shane wiped off the sand off his face, and Ryan was above him, shaking it out of his hair and he was reminded then of that time in the park when Ryan had brushed the snow out of his hair, when he had pushed him against the tree and realized he might be falling in love with him, and it wasn't perfect by any means but Ryan was holding his face with so much adoration in his eyes. (click) 

'I'm fine,' he meant to say, but "Will you marry me?" came out instead and then Ryan was wide-eyed and pressing a hand to his mouth with one hand, the other falling just away from Shane's face. Belatedly, Shane remembered the ring, fumbling with the box as he took it out of his pocket. He's doing this all wrong, not really on one knee so much as kneeling in front of Ryan like he's praying to him, which might not be too far off. 

"I know this may seem a bit sudden," he was stammering as his iPhone took another picture, and he opened the box, displaying [a simple gold band with black zirconium ](https://www.etsy.com/listing/540551586/black-wedding-band-black-zirconium?ref=pla_similar_listing_top-1)wrapped around the edges that he'd put some of his savings into, and Ryan was staring at him, and Shane suddenly wondered if it was too late to put it away (click), "But I...I want you to know that when I see my future, when I see my family's future, you're there with me, w-with us."

Ryan looked like he was going to cry and Shane's tongue felt thick in his mouth, "I knew from the moment I met you- you were something special but I knew from the morning I woke up with you that I...I didn't want to leave you, and the moment you invited my family into your life that this was going to be something more. I just-I wanted to say that if you want to stay in New York, there's a place for you there, or-or if you want us to come here, we'll come here, that wherever you are is where I want to be." 

The waves were lapping behind them, and the camera shuttered again. Shane could see the ring glinting in Ryan's pupils, his eyes shiny and so very bright.

"-and if, if this isn't something you want, that's okay, but-I-" and then Ryan was kneeling next to him in the sand and kissing him, holding him tighter and kissing him, pressing his knees further into the sand and kissing him again and again as the camera clicked for the last time. 

"Can I take that as a 'yes'?" Shane asked, smearing his mouth against Ryan's jaw, and Ryan pulled back from him just to look into his eyes, and his lashes were clumped with tears but he was smiling so brightly that Shane wondered why he hadn't asked him sooner. 

"Yes, of course, I..." Shane and Ryan both seemed to realize at the same time that he had dropped the ring in the sand. 

Thankfully, (thank God!) it was found only moments later, both of them letting out nervous huffs of laughter, before Shane fumbled a bit with his own shaky hands as he put it on Ryan's ring finger. To Shane's relief it fit. 

"How...how did you know my size?" Ryan asked, almost hiccuping with emotion that made Shane feel tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and he wiped at his face with the back of his hand, "Um. You have your college ring in your bedside drawer." 

Ryan was smiling at him so beautifully and looking at him with those warm dark eyes that Shane had to kiss him again.

"So you're telling me," Ryan pulled away to ask, "When I asked you to move in with me-" "When you hinted at it-" "When I hinted at it," Ryan said slowly, but he was still smiling. "You were already planning to..." Shane shook his head but then stopped, "I mean, I could've proposed to you months ago but I didn't think you were ready."

Ryan sniffed, sitting up taller, "What do you mean-" 

"I mean, you're young and gorgeous and successful..I didn't think you'd want, ultimately, to get tied down, with a family that you hadn't started and-" Shane confessed, "And you said you weren't really interested in getting married before, even when you had the sort of man you might be expected to end up with, so I wasn't sure if-" he was rambling, he couldn't help it, his fears were still bubbling to the surface even with a ring on Ryan's finger but Ryan was shaking his head at him, holding his hands in his, looking so sincere Shane's heart broke.

"Shane, I didn't want to marry Brent because in some part of my mind I knew we weren't meant to be. Even before I knew he was unfaithful, it was just, easier to be together than to be alone. I didn't know what it was like to be with someone who really wanted me, to let me into his life like you have." Shane swallowed, and Ryan's eyes were scanning his features as he went on, "Brent and I had our own separate lives, we'd go to bed together but the rest of the time it was...lonely. I know I work a lot, but with you I _want_ to make the time, and you always make the time for me, Shane, I-" he looked like he might cry again, "I don't go any day without wanting to be with you and I...I love you, and I love your kids, Shane. I...I would be _honored_ to be a part of your family." 

There were great tears in his eyes now, and Shane pulled Ryan into his arms, and onto his lap, kissing him with a hand in Ryan's dark hair before burrowing his head in his chest. "Ryan, I love you so much," he said in a muffled voice against his neck.

Ryan was kissing his head, brushing his hand through Shane's thick brown hair, cradling his head against his chest. He saw the way his ring glinted against the sunlight and thought that this is what this would be like, them together, for the rest of their lives.

They sat like that for a long while, uninterrupted as the waves continued to lap against the shore.  

✧✧

They ate their late lunch together, Ryan practically never left the loop of Shane's arms as they fed one another chicken pesto sandwiches and chips and tangerines. Ryan was beaming as he flipped through the photos that Shane had managed to catch on camera-including the one of Shane, limbs akimbo as he was in mid-fall onto the beach. "I'm framing this one, too," he said mischievously. 

"That'll be a story to tell the kids," Shane quipped dryly, and Ryan let out a nervous giggle. They'd received a cute picture from Steven and Andrew with the kids a little while ago, but he couldn't help wondering how they were going to take it. 

Shanna would probably be elated. She kept telling him she was going to marry him when she grew up if Shane didn't. 

Finn on the other hand.... Ryan wasn't so sure. 

"Do you think they'll be happy about us?" Ryan asked quietly, peeling back another tangerine, and Shane took Ryan's hand, admiring the black and gold against Ryan's skin. "I do." 

Ryan was itching to ask about Finn, but then Shane was pulling him up, and Ryan put the piece in his mouth before dropping the rest of the fruit on the blanket. "We're at the beach, we have to go in the water!" 

Ryan couldn't help smiling at Shane when he looked at him like that, his hair and eyes a little crazed in the most adorable of ways as Shane took off his shoes and socks, and then procured a can of 50SPF sunscreen, unbuttoning his shirt. "But first...Could you help me with-" 

  
Ryan grinned, pretending to be blinded by Shane's very pale chest and stomach which was admittedly nearly glowing in the California sun.  "God, you're so white-" Ryan sighed, as though this were a revelation, and Shane just laughed and laughed. 

Once Shane was sun-proof, he wriggled his arms in the sun to make it dry faster, giving Ryan the uncanny impression he was one of those car-wash decorations, and Ryan couldn't help shaking his head at the man he had just agreed to marry. "You are...so ridiculous."

"You love it," Shane said, grinning widely at him, and Ryan couldn't make his smile go away if he tried. "Let's go in the water! Surfs up, baby!" 

"You know nobody actually says that in Calif-" 

"C'mon dude, let's go get some gnarly waves-"

Ryan was laughing, "Okay, New Yorker, now you're just-"

"Cowabunga!" Shane shouted, running towards the water, and Ryan wheezed before abandoning his own shirt and chasing after his fiancé. 

✧✧

After very nearly drowning one another on at least five separate occasions, they ended up in this little shaded grotto that blocked them off from the beach and was likely filled during the high tide. 

The rock was rough against Ryan's back as Shane pressed him up against it, his grip on his waist tightening as Ryan wound a leg around Shane's bony hip for balance. 

By the time the sun had begun to set the water had reached Ryan's stomach, so Shane gripped his hand and pulled him out, marching and pushing their way in the ocean with legs that felt like gelatin, the water washing away any evidence of what occurred in their secret place. 

They collapsed on the wet sand, immediately getting covered in it like powdered donuts as they both took a few minutes just to lie there and breathe. The sky was pink, and then purple, with curly, curly clouds watching over them from above as Shane took Ryan's hand and allowed them to just be. 

* * *

Anaheim, Disneyland, 5:30pm 

✦✦

Steven and Andrew had rode a lot of rides by the time it was time for dinner. They'd bounced all over Frontierland and Adventureland (with Shanna and Steven riding things like the Winnie the Pooh ride while Andrew and Finn did Splash Mountain) and finally ended up on Pirates of the Carribean together, before exiting the park and going to California Adventure. 

Luckily, Finn was amicable enough to go into Bugs Land with Shanna and Steven, and they all rode the Grizzly River Rapids, screaming and shouting ending up with a very soaked Shanna who had somehow got the brunt of the water onto her little person. Thankfully she had a jacket in her little backpack, and it was a very warm day. 

Now they were at the Paradise Pier, eating together, and they could see that the kids were a lot more relaxed towards one another now. 

"I can't wait to go on California Screamin'," Finn was saying between bites of his burger, and Andrew set his down decidedly, swallowing with a suddenly dry throat. Maybe he shouldn't be eating anything right now.

"You mean that giant one?" Steven asked excitedly and Finn nodded, eyes wide with anticipation. "Last time I got to ride it three times!"

Andrew paled. 

"Dude, that sounds like so much fun, I-" Steven suddenly caught his boyfriend's eye. "Honey, you're looking a little green." 

"Yeah, I dunno, I think maybe it was something I ate-" 

"Oh no," Steven looked concerned. "Hey, Finn can you go get Andrew some water?" he gave him a five dollar bill, and Finn raced over to the water cart.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well, you seemed fine a minute ago before-" Something like dawning comprehension crossed his features, "Drew. Are you...are you afraid of roller coasters?" Steven asked him, with something like horror on his face when Andrew didn't respond right away.

Steven covered his mouth with his hands, "Oh my god." He was giggling in a horrified way, even as Andrew colored in embarrassment. "I mean, they're not my _favorite_ -" 

"Oh,  _honey,"_ Steven wrapped his arms around Andrew and kissed his cheek, nuzzling him even in his embarrassed state, "You were just going to suffer in silence. Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I mean, Finn really seemed to like me and I-"

"Can't lose your cool guy image," Steven quipped, and Andrew groaned, "Oh my god, I'm a teenager again." 

Steven laughed, kissing him again. "Don't worry, I won't ruin your cool guy image. Look, we can switch ride-buddies. I'm sure Shanna wouldn't mind." 

Shanna, who had been eating contentedly in silence during this little scene watched with apparent interest. She reached over and patted Andrew's big hand with her little one, "It's okay, Andrew," she said consolingly, "Ryan says it's okay to be scared sometimes." 

Steven was beaming at them as if to say 'see?' and Andrew let out an embarrassed, "Thanks, Shanna." But before he could say anything else, Finn was back with his water bottle and Steven's change. 

"Thanks Finn." "Sure." 

Steven met Andrew's eye, but then said, "Hey Finn. Would you mind if I became your ride-buddy for a while? Andrew isn't feeling up to the coasters right now." 

Finn shot a slightly disappointed look at Andrew, but nodded, "Sure, that's okay."

"Great!"

Disposing of their trash, Andrew looked up at Steven while the kids were leaning over the pier to look in a pair of binoculars, "Steven, thank you," he said sincerely and Steven kissed the corner of his mouth. "Dude, it's really not a big deal. I'd do a lot more for you." Andrew was just beginning to see how true that was. "I love you and I love coasters. It works out." 

Steven abruptly looked like he had just realized that he had dropped the L-bomb, eyes widening almost comically but Andrew kissed him before he could spiral further, "I hate coasters but I love you. It works out." 

The anxiety in Steven's shoulders immediately dissipated and he had this pleased little smile on his face. Andrew had a sudden desire to take him home and show him how much he loved him, but that would have to wait. 

Walking up the kids, Andrew found Shanna's hand in his, and they all agreed to meet back up in time for the electrical parade at 7. 

✦✦

The sheer relief at knowing he was going to ride rides that had cartoon characters like the Monsters Inc ride instead of, say, The Tower of Terror, made Andrew really eager to show Steven his appreciation later. Maybe he should buy him something. 

It wasn't too hard to talk Shanna into going into one of the shops, and he soon found himself lost in a rack of fashionable and quirky articles of clothing with different Disney references on it. 

He knew that Steven was a lot more "hip" than he was, so he wanted to find something that reflected that. After searching through Mickey-mouse, Nightmare Before Christmas and Star Wars themed hoodies, [a vintage looking letterman's jacket ](https://www.shopdisney.com/walt-disney-world-varsity-jacket-men-1447015?CMP=KNC-DSSGoogle&efc=179006&s_kwcid=AL!5079!3!95242946784!!!g!295386874253!&ef_id=WR_ioAAAAEpWRgtv:20180108095325:s)is what caught his eye. 

Somehow he also ended up buying a decent-sized Minnie plushie for Shanna too, even though he knew it meant he'd end up carrying it by the end of the night. She was nothing if not convincing, and left the Disney store with a very self-satisfied look on her face. 

✦✦

Steven, in the meanwhile was having the time of his life. Of course, it would've been more wonderful to have Andrew with him, but these rides were more his speed. Finn had also begun to warm up to him, too, which made things easier on both of them. 

"Is it hard?" Finn asked while they were in line for the swings ride which was lit up in the sunset, twinkling as it's riders were spun around it like a great top, dangling like spiders from thread. 

"I mean, not seeing Andrew very much?"

That question caught Steven off guard. 

"Um, yeah," he said honestly, feeling his chest tighten. "It definitely can be." 

Finn looked like he was mulling this over, and Steven got the feeling he wasn't thinking about him and Andrew anymore. Steven wanted to reassure him, as well as himself, thinking back on this week that had been easily the greatest week in his life and how much it had made up for those lonely nights back home the past couple of months. 

"But when I do see him? That's the best."

Finn offered him a small smile, and Steven gave his shoulder a squeeze. He couldn't imagine leaving at the end of the week now, how hard that was going to be. He thought of Andrew, smiling at him, kissing him, telling him he loved him, and the warmth filled the cracks that had begun to fill with dread, chasing the darkness out.

"It's hard, but it's worth it." And that was a promise. 

✦✦

The electrical parade was fun and magical, and afterward, they all went back over to Disneyland to hang around until the Fireworks, riding Star Tours one more time and getting hot chocolate. 

He had meant to keep Steven's jacket a secret but Steven wanted to steal his own because he was cold so Andrew pulled it out and said, "What if I got your something better?" and the resounding gasp and delight that Steven showed as he put on the jacket was so precious he'd wished he'd filmed it. 

"I mean, I'm not going to say it's better than wearing your jacket, because-" Steven was flushed and rambling, "Because it's yours but this is the coolest present ever and it's not even my birthday!" 

Andrew kissed him, "I guess I could've saved some money and just given you this one," he said dryly and Steven laughed. "Maybe we can trade off later," he said mischievously and Andrew had a feeling that was exactly what would happen. 

The firework show began, and Andrew wrapped an arm around Steven's waist as he pulled him close, smiling as the kids oo'd and ahh'd over the colorful display. 

"I can't believe we got to go to Disneyland today," Steven said, looking at Andrew with stars in his eyes and Andrew felt something in his chest that led him to say, with forced casualty he didn't feel, "You know, if you moved out this way we could go to Disneyland all the time." 

Nothing could've prepared Andrew for the sheer brightness of Stevens' smile then, and when they kissed, maybe the fireworks between them weren't only the ones that were crackling above. "Yeah, that might be worth it," Steven said, and Andrew laughed, feeling something loosen in him, the strain of all of that time apart had a silver lining, something that felt like a promise for the future.

"Oh, it'll be worth it, alright," he said, a bit lower than he meant to, and as he watched the pleased flush creep up Steven's neck again he was struck by how he couldn't wait to get Steven back home. 

"Drew, I love you," Steven said, as the firework finale began, illuminating the night and their faces with the sheer number of fireworks set off in the sky.

"I love you too, babe" Andrew responded warmly, wrapping his arms around Steven from behind and kissing his cheek, "I love you, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok maybe thats not how timed iphones work sue me  
> (also I hope that wasnt too cheesy a proposal lmao) 
> 
> thanks again for all of the lovely feedback so far, it really helps! 
> 
> Just the epilogue to go baby *fingers crossed*

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback always welcome!


End file.
